So today I made it to work. I was late but at least made it out of the house.
Once I got there it was really a rather relaxed day. I had forgotten it was a holiday. I spent lots of time reading and coloring and even chatting with coworkers a little.
Working up the nerve to just walk in is always the hard part for me. Once I’m in I act fine. I do my job. My stats have even been improving.
My new team leader is helping I think. He’s a super positive, encouraging sort. Also suffers from anxiety but he appears to be a high functioning sort. I think it makes me more comfortable because he knows where I’m coming from a bit.
Too often my inaction makes people think I’m lazy. That isn’t the case. On a good day I take lots of pride in my work.
There is one person in my work life currently who says they’re my friend but I’m honestly not sure how to feel about it. I keep trying to decide if this is a toxic sort of friendship and I’m having great difficulty figuring it all out. We’ll see I guess. I’m not really opening up more or starting any conversations with this person, but will respond politely and in a friendly manner if they reach out.
On the flip side, there is a girl I’m getting really close with. She’s not a coworker or even from my state, but she does listen and is always supportive. I really need to surround myself with more people like her. She’s really sweet.
I’m trying to get a hold on things and not let the fear overtake me anymore. This has been a struggle for months and I know I’m stronger than this. This is a good job. Good pay. Enough to keep my little life with my partner going.
I….can do this.