I slam shut my top draw of my bedside tablet in which I hear the medication rattle vigorously from the sudden shift, I can\’t help thinking to myself that they would make better use being flushed down the toilet. I have hardly moved and I can feel my legs and lower back begin to ache from the lack of movement, but my mind is to busy having several arguments at once so I just continue to stay put and stare out my bedroom window. Darkness has fallen outside but my room has felt like it has been pitch black all day, it\’s like being able to see through your shut eye lids. The slow breathing of my dog sprawled across the bed next to me soothes for a split second until my mind wanders, I just wish this would pass now!
I stroke my dogs long black fur and she lifts her head up and gives me a look of sadness, as if she knows I am not well today and wont leave my side. If it wasn’t for her my loneliness would consume me to the point of no return, I just find people just think I am freak and find that ignoring me is much better than attempting to get to know me. So it’s me and fur baby at least she understands me … well she doesn’t have much choice does she! I hope tomorrow the sun will illuminate my room and I can function as a slightly normal human being.
Does anyone else feel as if they are drifting in and out of reality? Or as if they are zoomed back watching themselves but feel as if they can’t control anything? I have spoken to my specialist about these episodes but he just looks at me blankly … I think it’s about time to get a second opinion because they really stress me out, but it’s hard to explain to someone who is jotting down notes that look like a 4 year old’s scribble.