I started out as a little dramatic, over-weight middle schooler. I entered my 8th grade year as 170 pounds with a height of only 5ft 4in. I have always been over-weight but it wasn't until middle school that I realized how bad that made me feel about my life. I started to eatless and excersize more. The weight came off and I stopped eating.

My sophmore year and I weighed 120 pounds. Boys started to look at me differently, especially a very bad boy. I went behind a friend's back and stole her boyfriend. He was my first sexually. I dated this boy for 7 months. He was homeless and spent alot of time at parties. Drinking and drugs. At the end of our relationship, I started to change. I was angry with my parents alot and started to rebel…So did his ex-girlfriend. He ended up cheating on me and she began to get friends to spread rumors about me.Istarted to cut myself.I hated myself and buried my life away.

A month after that relationship ended, I melted away from friends and family. I started to have sex with my best friend and a one night stand with another. I hated myself for what I was doing, but felt that this was the only way to get guys to want me…until I stopped the sex. More rumors where going around about me and I started to lose my closest friends. I went back to sex just to have someone there…I wanted to die…

Middle of my junior year and I had a full plan of how I would die…but someone figured it out and called my parents before I could go through with it. I had never fallen so low…I wanted to be loved for me. Then I found a really good guy, but one of the guys I was sleeping with didn't like it and got me to come over to his house to talk about this new guy. So I did. He said that I was sick and depressed. He told me that this new guy just wants one thing and that he would never love me. That night I was taken advantage of…I accidentally cheated on the first guy who might have cared about me.

In my deep hole of lying, I told this new guy that I was raped. (I felt like I had been, but I'm not sure if I was or was just upset and didn't know what I was doing.) He accepted this and we stayed together for 6 months. I was feeling better and started to eat again…but the relationship was tainted with him wanting sex…alot of sex. I began to feel sad and started to eat more. One week before we broke if off, he admitted to cheating and letting me know that he never loved me…I felt hopeless and helpless.

Into my senior year of high school and rumors arised again…by this time it didn't touch me. I became numb and vowled to not have anymore sex…life started to become okay again…but I was gaining more and more weight.

Christmas Time, my dad find out that he has colon cancer… My whole world shattered again…After his first surgery, things got better and I started to look at life possitively. I reunited with alot of old friends…but my eating disorder was at large. In less than 8 months, I had gone from 135 pounds to 200 pounds.

I am now 18 years old with graduating just last june. My dad has been told that he has cancer ina new spot and that it could be bigger. This surgery will be taking out his lower stomach, upper intestine, and part of his pancreous..


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