If i’m being honest, this is my first attempt at trying to find some way to help me. I don’t know. It’s 7 in the morning and I’m on my third day of no sleep. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of feeling like absolute shit constantly.
Here’s some background information on who I am, and why I’m here. Also, I’m anxious that someone that knows me in person will find this profile and use it against me, so I’m not comfortable with using personal details that could hint at who I am.
My name is Emma. I’m 18 and I’m still in school, that is if I don’t drop out before graduation in June.
I’m basically homeless. But I’m not at the same time. It’s more of a couch to sleep on at night. Not a home. I know this is the biggest factor of why my mental health issues are getting to the point that they’re at now. I can’t change this.
My father has the worst kind of Lymes Disease that you can have. It’s the kind that fucks up his nervous system and it means he can’t work. That’s why i’m in the living situation I’m in. My mom refuses to work, she always has. I don’t like her.
I feel helpless. I feel guilty that I’m not okay. I know people have it worse than me, why can’t I be okay? I have these expectations put on me by everyone and I can’t make anybody happy anymore. I’m guilty because I feel like shit, but then again I’ve been slowly leading up to this point for years. I started feeling this way a lot when I was 13. It’s the worst it’s ever been. Every time I’ve asked for help from my parents they’ve just shrugged it off and told me I was being a typical teenager. How was hurting myself for years being a typical teenager?
My boyfriend is the only person I feel comfortable talking to about anything. He’s currently getting help for severe depression and lately he’s been telling me he can’t handle me being so down. My best friend of 7 years basically told me that I’m a selfish bitch for feeling like this lately and blocked me on everything
I’m so alone.
It feels like at any second I’m just gonna collapse.
I don’t know how to explain my feelings to anybody. I feel like everyone’s going to tell me I’m being a drama queen and to shut up.
I want to stop crying everyday. I want to stop thinking about disappearing.
I’ve tried convincing myself that I’m okay. I just want to be okay.