We had a scare last night. I have stayed clean and sober since having my second baby with the help from the program and a constant contact with God. It has been hard as I see my husband struggle in his own recovery but I have also seen a miracle transpiring as he is slowly reaching out and asking for help in the areas of his life that he needs it. Another miracle is that I continue staying sober and I know I am going to be ok! That is amazing! Well, yesterday afternoon I think my heart stopped for a moment. My husband is on Suboxone. A medication used for treating opiate addiction/withdrawel. I have taken it in the past but before I had my children several years ago. If you know anything about the medication you dissolve it in your mouth and than spit it out. After he took his medicine he spit it in a cup because he was sitting on the couch. Well, that cup I put beside the sink without rinsing out. I regularly use that cup to drink water throughout the day and I just refill it. I took a shower came out to the kitchen and refilled my glass without thinking that he had spit in it earlier. I was reading and I started to feel funny, and sick to my stomach. I thought my blood sugar was low and made myself something to eat. Well I continued to feel sick and shaky and I breastfed my baby thinking I was coming down with something. I was trying to figure out why my body felt so weird, like I had taken something, when I realised what cup I had drank out of, and it than made total sense since I have taken this drug myself in the past and know the affects it has. I freaked out and called 911 because I had no idea what it would do to the baby since I breastfed. The baby was fine is vitals were fine and I have been feeding him stored breastmilk ever since last night. Poisen control told me to wait 24-48 hours before nursing. I had no idea what it would do to the baby and I was very upset. Once I was assured that everything was going to be ok, I was left with this nasty high that I hadn't asked for and the guilt that I unknowingly put my baby in danger. I didn't sleep last night because of the suboxone, and I was throwing up and cold and clammy into today. I had to call in for my first day back to work this morning after maternity leave. Even though this was completely unintentional, I still feel horrible. But I know one thing. Any ephoric using thoughts I have daydreamed about in the last couple months went right out the window after this incident. The way I felt last night and this morning brought back all the memories of being dopesick, hungover and starving for another fix. Why would I ever want to feel like that again? I have thanked God over and over today for keeping my baby safe during that awful moment. It was an unusual moment but I am thankful for the reminder of where I came from and where I don't want to go.