So this evening my 7 y/o looks me dead in the eyes and says “Mom why don’t we go to church?” Fallowed promptly by “Can we go to church?” Frankly I didn’t know what to say. I Didn’t want to say no, I think it is fantastic that she wants to build a relationship with god,. But I couldn’t say yes either, and my reasons were far too complicated to explain to a child. It’s not that I don’t believe in God it’s just that growing up my mother was obsessed, she was a born again everything. One month it was this religion and the next month it was another, then another, and another. She never stuck with one and each time she would force her new found beliefs down our throats forcing us to give up this and adopt that and then the next time she switched we did it all over again. It was madness and infuriating and the one thing I noticed that was consistent from church to church was the phonies. Those good wholesome petitioners that give you that plastered on smile and the cheep overly excited “Hi how are you?” pretending to give a damn when in fact they trash talk you and stab you in the back as soon as they get the shot. Gossip mongers. Then when I was old enough to finally leave home and make my own choices my 12 y/o sister died a horrible death. I sat there and watched her suffocate for hours after they pulled the plug in the ICU. It took her 14 hours to die. The councillor and the people from my mothers church all there giving me the “I know how you feel” and “It’s god’s will” and I lost it. What kid of God could do that to an innocent child. I blamed him, hated him, turned my back to him. It’s been 8 years since that day and only now am I even willing to recognize in my adult life that blaming god was silly, and she was at peace and all that. And as much as I am considering renewing my relationship with god I am not entirely sure I am ready to pick a church and jump gung-ho in with both feet praise the lord I’ve been saved and all that. So with my 7 y/o looking at me and wondering why we can’t go to church I stare back at her with all that negative history weighing heavy on my heart and I just don’t know how to say. How do I explain such complicated things to someone so young? How do I encourage her spirituality without rushing mine?

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