So this evening my 7 y/o looks me dead in the eyes and says “Mom why don’t we go to church?” Fallowed promptly by “Can we go to church?” Frankly I didn’t know what to say. I Didn’t want to say no, I think it is fantastic that she wants to build a relationship with god,. But I couldn’t say yes either, and my reasons were far too complicated to explain to a child. It’s not that I don’t believe in God it’s just that growing up my mother was obsessed, she was a born again everything. One month it was this religion and the next month it was another, then another, and another. She never stuck with one and each time she would force her new found beliefs down our throats forcing us to give up this and adopt that and then the next time she switched we did it all over again. It was madness and infuriating and the one thing I noticed that was consistent from church to church was the phonies. Those good wholesome petitioners that give you that plastered on smile and the cheep overly excited “Hi how are you?” pretending to give a damn when in fact they trash talk you and stab you in the back as soon as they get the shot. Gossip mongers. Then when I was old enough to finally leave home and make my own choices my 12 y/o sister died a horrible death. I sat there and watched her suffocate for hours after they pulled the plug in the ICU. It took her 14 hours to die. The councillor and the people from my mothers church all there giving me the “I know how you feel” and “It’s god’s will” and I lost it. What kid of God could do that to an innocent child. I blamed him, hated him, turned my back to him. It’s been 8 years since that day and only now am I even willing to recognize in my adult life that blaming god was silly, and she was at peace and all that. And as much as I am considering renewing my relationship with god I am not entirely sure I am ready to pick a church and jump gung-ho in with both feet praise the lord I’ve been saved and all that. So with my 7 y/o looking at me and wondering why we can’t go to church I stare back at her with all that negative history weighing heavy on my heart and I just don’t know how to say. How do I explain such complicated things to someone so young? How do I encourage her spirituality without rushing mine?

  1. fallen_paradise 13 years ago

    I can relate a lot this blog. I have reasons like yours concerning death as to why I stopped believing. I find many believers criticize me and think I”ve blamed God, but the fact is, I don”t blame anyone. I”ve accepted that I”m in questioning about my beliefs and know that that is okay to do. As for your child, I think the best thing you can do as a parent is to educate them about religion. The difference between religions and the similarites they have as well. If it makes you uncomfortable to take your child to chuch, maybe you could ask a friend or someone you know who attends chuch, to take your child and see how they feel afterwards. Being in questioning about my beliefs has led me to avoid praying and taking in part in anything religious. I don”t even like talking about it anymore. If you don”t want to repeat the same thing your mother did to you, then I think it”s best that you avoid explaining why you don”t have a strong relationship with God, unless your child asks you why. Your child is still a child and needs to experience religion on their own. All you can do is guide them and support the decisions they choose in regards to religion. I hope this helps you with whatever you decide =)

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  2. John316free 13 years ago


        For what it”s worth I know what it”s like being beaten on the head with a bible…..sometimes it can leave potentally non healing bruises….why not try having some one on one time with your daughter….just you and her….time where you can explain to her your concept of God….maybe a time of prayer together…a time of reassurance…that there does exist a power greater than

    just us humans, if that is what you believe…start her on a path of searching for the Truth…God is not found only in a church….He is found in our hearts…give her the keys to open the doors…..the key is Love….the kind of love that the prophet Jesus had for mankind…unconditional love. Guide your child in the ways of love and as she grows up she will not waiver from it”s path. Make it simple…child like, so she can understand….not complicated they way adults make it.  I wish you nothing but the best…….John316 

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