I do this. EVERY TIME i do this. I join something, i feel alienated, and i leave.
I play a game online called Guild Wars. it's one of those "play with people around the world" games… and you can form or join guilds. I joined this one guild because they seemed nice, and then left a few days later because i felt like the stranger of the group. The leader, "Purple", kept messaging me each day, asking how i was, how i felt, would i like to return… all done in the nicest possible way, and although they were nice, i kinda felt guilty about leaving and after a month near enough i gave in and said "ok".
I was in there a month this time but.. i still felt alone. They'd have meets and do quests and stuff together and i was always left out because i didn't have the right areas unlocked, or i wasn't on at the time, or more simply, i didn't fit in.
Just now, i joked about suicide. Not like "I R GONNA KILL MASELLF" but someone said "what can i do that's exciting" and i said "suicide". I got told off by Purple for this (i mean who would want someone talking about suicide in their group? I'm not as… sensitive to it as others are, i find things like that darkly amusing, and then i have to realise that no-one else actually does…), and i got angry. I don't fit in, i don't feel like i'm a part of the group, i never get included in anything, and here i am, still in here because i felt i owe it to this person, mostly because i felt guilty as hell for leaving the first time. So i ranted and raved, and then pushed them to kick me out.
This is the fun part. I'm now upset. I feel worse now than i did while in that group. Before i felt distanced and alone, only occasionally did i manage to click to someone briefly but then they were too busy playing the game with other people. Now i have nothing, barring some random person or persons in the world who think i'm an utter bastard… and that bothers me too. I want to tell them that it was just crap, how i felt and everything, but they don't want to know.
WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS. Anime club? Left because i felt alone. Aikido. I use the excuse that the doc told me not to go back (she did, but…) but in reality i felt alone, and didn't fit in. EVERYTHING is like this. I was going to leave here, because of the same thing.
How do i cope? I need to know because, i'm losing my sanity over this.
Edit: I spoke to Purple. I explained the situation. I dunno. It seems i'm not alone in the world, and i feel even worse now for what happened, and the hurt i caused… but at least i got to explain. I don't know if they will talk to me again but at least we parted on better terms, and i feel better for it i guess.