A year remembered.
So this year has had its major ups and downs. I’ve dealt with more anxiety this year then previous years because this year was the first time I’d started getting panic attacks more regularly. I’ve sought help in various places and seem to have come up empty handed. I was seeing a therapist for over a year and in August (or so) I stopped talking with her. I felt as though I’d come to the end of the sessions with her. I didn’t feel like talking anymore. I’d moved so was doing phone sessions and that didn’t seem to be helping at all. There was really no progress and felt as though at that time I’d hit almost a brick wall so to speak. I’d tried medications this year (7 or 8, I can’t remember them all) and nothing worked for me. All were SSRI’s and perhaps that’s the wrong type of drug for what’s going on inside. I tried seeing a psychiatrist. No one was taking new patients so I resorted to a low cost clinic which sent me over the edge panicky every time I was there. I had to go once for an assessment and then was told the next time I came I’d see my psychiatrist. I went in and was double booked and because I wasn’t going to kill myself I was sent merrily on my way. I was so angry but just like Meg Ryan in “You’ve got mail” didn’t know how to react until I’d reached the parking lot. But by then it was too late to speak my mind on his ‘doctor’ skills.

In January Hannah had her first TPLO surgery (on her knee ligaments) which was a whopping $3000 dollars. She had her second one in July which cost the same amount. She’s now been my 10,000 dollar dog and she just turned 3 this year.
In March I got a new car, even though it’s a regret to this day because it was more money a month and my other car was just fine. Then in April I got in a car accident on my 22nd birthday. It wasn’t a bad one but I was sandwiched between 2 cars and it was partially my fault. So with the temp. plates still on my car I had to go and get it fixed. I then went to Hawaii with Bryan’s family in May. On the first weekend of June I moved to Phoenix to live with Bryan. I got a job at a vet’s hospital training to be a vet assistant. When the training never took place but the knowledge was expected to be there along with phony, Disneyland type attitudes (which is not me) and being made an example of in front of everyone I resigned from that position. I was then jobless for a few weeks until I got the job I have now. Even though it’s not my dream job it still pays the bills.

In August we started doing foster care work for 2 local rescues. As rewarding as it is it is very difficult to do. Then in September or so Bryan and I went to Flagstaff and the Grand Canyon. The first time since I’ve lived in Arizona (since I was 10) that I’d been to see it. We stayed in a really awesome B&B near historic Flagstaff. In October we got our second foster. In November my best friend stuck me with her debt and subsequently ended our friendship because to date she hasn’t tried to make contact with me. We went to Texas for one of Bryan’s cousins weddings. The following weekend was Thanksgiving and we went to Tucson for Thanksgiving Day and then Flagstaff the next day, where it was freezing. The first weekend in December we went to Las Vegas for our friend’s Birthday.

It’s been a very busy year. Perhaps that’s why it has gone so fast. I’m grateful and thankful for all those that I’ve met here and became friends with. For that it makes all of the crappy things that occurred throughout the year seem to not be such a big deal.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all.


1 Comment
  1. NoGoodReason 15 years ago

    Jade – I have only been on this site a short while and have enjoyed your poems, your blogs and your support & encouragement. I am sorry it's hard for you to get the support you need, and that panic attacks are still an issue for you; I wish I could tell you something that would help, but in my case I found the panic attacks I was having were really all about things that had happened to me when I was a child, and so after understanding that and accepting those occurrences they slowly lost their power over me. Wishing you a great holiday and new year – NGR

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