I met up with an old friend last night. We had a really good time. However, one thing did come up. One of my ex boyfriends is her cousin. Him and I were a couple in our late teens. Last year we were hanging out again. I had feelings for him.

He is starting his own taxi business. Once he started his business he had hardly any time for me. Eventually, I got the message and actually understood where he was coming from.

Now, last night his cousin and my friend tells me he has a girlfriend and that they spend a large amount of time together.

Hmm. I won't say this isn't a blow to my self esteem. He couldn't make time for me "because of his business". Yet, somehow for this girl, he can. Obviously, he simply wasn't interested.

Many times the guy I was with or liked has gone for another girl.

Perhaps part of the reason this bothers me is because my first boyfriend cheated on me and later married the girl. Then, when I was older another boyfriend broke up with me then started dating another girl and they got engaged.

Another thing that bothers me about my ex is when we were hanging out last year he suggested I start exercising again. I was stupid and asked him: "Why, would you like me more if I was skinnier?" He replied, "Maybe, I don't know". To me, that means yes or at least that he had an issue with my weight. Now, I hear how his girlfriend is really skinny.

So, I'm trying not to let it get to me that he found time for someone else and couldn't for me but, it does bother me.

I actually wouldn't want to be with him anymore. This isn't about wanting to be with him, it's about self esteem.

I know. I shouldn't let other people determine my self worth.

3 Comments
  1. laurevolution 8 years ago

     it sounds like you kind of figured it out after you vented it all, perhaps those people it didnt work out with just werent the ones you were meant to end up with. if working out or something would make you feel better about yourself why not try? the past happened and all you can do now is learn from it and put the knowledge to good use moving forward, best wishes 🙂

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  2. sadviolinist 8 years ago

    Classy, I go through this too. I spend so much time criticizing myself because guys I cared about ended up breaking up with me for some whimsical reason and then find out they're sleeping with my best friends. It took me a LONG time to get over that, and to be honest, some of it still controls my self-esteem too. It's still a big issue for me in my marriage ~ I think I've told you all about that fiasco…

    I think you're a wonderful, beautiful person deserving of love that gives and not only takes from you. As for the comments about your weight; in my head as long as you're comfortable with how you look and feel then that's all the matters.

    Love you and stay you!  (((HUGS)))

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  3. Andie372 8 years ago

     I understand these thoughts and I probably would have thought and felt the same thing.  Go ahead, be angry, it's only natural.  Punch a pillow or scream into it, rip up paper, etc.  Then give those feelings to the universe and let them go.  

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