I'm sitting here watching TV, playing the on the computer and wondering what the day will be like. Years ago, when I was drinking (and abusing the odd drug) I wouldn't care about the day. I would drink to get away from the abuse of my family, the loneliness of school and the problems in my life in general. I tried working, owned a store once, dated what felt like everyone in Toronto, but I couldn't feel good about myself and hated myself.

I was forced to stop drinking after my husband found my stash. He drank the last of the bottle and then told me “no more.” I didn't care. I thought I would show him that I could not drink and in a few days I would start again. A handful of days went by and then I got the shakes, cold sweats, felt sick and cold and then my husband told me that I was drying out and if I needed to, he would get me to the hospital. I white-knuckled it and didn't feel good for about 2 or 3 weeks.

I called AA and talked to a wonderful woman who asked me to go to a meeting the next day. Up until about an hour before the meeting, I wasn't sure I was going to make it there. But something in me said to go. I sat in the meeting with her and her sponsor, one of each side of me. They offered me a coffee, but I had the shakes, so I declined. I don't remember anything that was said at the meeting, but I did go to more meetings. Sure enough I made it through the worst of it and now I've been sober for a little over 7 years. January 15, 2000 is my dry date.

I moved out to the country where I bought a house (well, the bank owns it at the moment) There's one meeting here in town and only about 3 women there, including me. I think I have the most days in than most of the people at the meeting. I'm 36 and I'm the oldtimer!

Over the years I've found that I don't have to be walked on. When I first came in I had a sponsor who I felt was the worst. She would throw money at me, never called me and if I called her she would talk for about 5 minutes and hang up on me. One time in a meeting, she was making jokes and said I knocked over her coffee, and when I was up doing the slogans, she was talking all through it. At the end of the meeting I fired her. I think it was the best thing I could have done. I haven't had one since. I did get a list of online sponsors, but every one that I emailed has bounced. I have the support of my group, so it helps. I would never tell anyone to do it alone.

Today I'm feeling great and I don't want a drink.