I have only this to say i am accountable for my words thought s and actions….. in stead of keeing my cards close to my chest my heart was on my sleeve not always a wise thing to do but i am who i am when i am wrong i do my best to promptly addmit it i do not forget abuses i do my best to forgive my self and all in my past that i have hurt or we hurt eachother ….this past week was one heck of a rollacoster ride… i want only to be strong in the devine to to serve as i am directed to.. thedepression is peeking at me again 300 mgs of welbutrin and i am still depressed do my affirmations go to aa meetings use those slogans i thought were so trite and corney now have so much meaning to me i no longer need approval from other peeps as long as the devine and i approve the heck with the bs

i am growing softer i am not really a hard ass as some may see me again i dont mind those that dont like me i mind those who do i am grieving letting go of the past missing my kids in cali wanting to get on a plane and go there now i have surg in 3 months i have to be smoke free for at least 6 weeks and loose another 40 pounds and the pain doc? nothing narcotic we all know what i am like on those friggen things let me not repeet that crap i just needed to vent maybe some one out there has felt all this crud before my life is changing from the inside out i want only to be the best person i can be to walk the walk not just talk the talk turning 50 is a blessing you care less what others think we i do lol ok enough rambline thank you my dear friends that have been supporting of me hope i can be that way with you too i have been up for 24 hours the med changes are intence and bothersome ya know what life on lifes terms live and let live but for the grace of devine there go i i went to the addiction tribe no one been on in few months so i come here to deal with ptsd add and a mood disorder of non specific oragin i need to go chill out with my friends take care all andrea