heh, playing on the merry-go-round, sometimes i forget my age. the powers that be dont make a fucking sound, impaled in the menagerie, they go around and around, to little bips and bops of dramatic flare. sometimes i forget my age… im not trying to be your fucking role model, and im not trying to be your friend… do i do damage? yes… are my thoughts detrimentally shallow? yes… Lmao, and did you think this was anything but fun? i dont know… whats fun for some may not be for others… i am not an artist… or a writer… i am not your friend, i am not your mentor, i am not your companion in despair, and im not trying to be your rival in misery either… you are not my mother, my father, my friend, or my priest… so repulsed because i dont feel like you do? beacuse i dont think like you do? because im not another fucking cut out of the biblical peasant saint? because im not “positive” or feigning endearment? sneer at me, wrinkle your nose in contempt as you walk away…

ive said it before and ill say it again, we all judge, youre a fucking idiot if you think otherwise. we all judge whether we like someone, or we dont, whether well talk to someone, or we wont… we judge safety and sociability, we judge every moment of everyday, the minute you see someones face… if you dont then youre going to be taken advantage of, maybe you already have been… better put on you fucking judging glasses then and polish them up, huh… what we want is good judgment, happy judgment… youre perfectly fine when someone tells you a pretty lie, even if you sense the hollowness of it. were perfectly fine patting each other on the backs telling each other “we did our best.” but you dont want to hear why you failed… or rather you dont want to hear it from someone like me, heheh. but then who else is there? your fucking happy friends that coddle your feelings like a cracked egg? carrying you around with their softest words trying not to say anything too “shattering.” you need a tougher shell, better yet, you could just get rid of it entirely. get angry for once, fucking hate something, hate me if you have to, youre not precious, youre a fucking animal…

love is not your saviour, and neither is passion. the only way love will save you is if you have it for yourself, and even then thats a fucking task most people ive known dont accomplish in their lives. clinging onto someone is not being saved, your love isnt going to stop someone from cheating on you, again and again and again. it isnt going to stop them from saying shit to you or about you. all the love in the world isnt going to stop their fist from connecting into your fucking eye socket, so you need to let go of that shit… love is not a saviour, its a fucking drug, your either know how to handle it or you dont, dont get me wrong im in the latter of those categories, but if you cling onto brutal love its going to chain you to the abuse your supposedly want to stop. or maybe youre just a victim, a masochist, maybe you crave it, i wont deny you that…

passion on the other hand… what can i say about passion other than the very obvious fact that it fucking hurts sometimes. my passion for writing stupid shit drives my finger over the keys, whether it makes sense, whether its good or not, simply becasue of an overwhelming urge, through tears or laughter… remember i am not a fucking writer, i enjoy it but i dont fucking like it, i dont like that i do this. id rather not fucking sit here and cry to myself or be angry trying to get my thoughts in some sort of order, im sure a lot of you can fucking relate!! my passion opens up old wounds and it fucking kills me, so no, dont rely on passion, unless your passion is something benign like fucking apple picking… or something…

i am not your friend, because you rest the whole title on a fucking button, like the rest of the sheep. friendship isnt a fucking list, and thats why im not on it…

on a side note, im not gay okay, i realize the community here has become mostly lgbtq orientated but you can quit asking now. also im not fucking trying to date anyone around here, keep your shit tucked away okay, and dont act all pissy just because fuckers arent jumping on you like rapid dogs, i mean to be lurid about it because thats all i see…