The last few months have been so crazy.

I came to grips with the fact that I was an alcoholic, I always imagined an "alcoholic" as someone who digs through the trash for the last sip out of an empty bottle or someone who shakes if they havent had a drink that day. but thats not the case…

I never thought my drinking was anything other that just having FUN and having a GOOD TIME, being social with friends and what not.

But in REALITY I would drink to self medicate, I would drink to escape my problems, and i would drink because I hated mself. I came to this understanding the hard way… getting in trouble for underage drinking. I blew 2 or 3 times the legal limit!!!

 It was a blessing in disguise, because if never happend I would have never taken a good look at my actions. 

I would get drunk 4 or 5 times a week and justify it by saying its just having fun with friends. anytime I was lonely or upset or anxious I would want to drink.

WOULD YOU GET A SLEDGHAMMER AND HIT YOURSELF IN THE HEAD A FEW TIMES?

no, of couse you wont, but you will wait all week for friday to poison you body with alcohol, then wake up in the morning, hungover, feeling like shit and feeling like you got hit by a car. Then you will call your friends and plan out the next time you will do it.

there is something wrong with this logic

I would drink to run away, and forget my problems, but once I sober up I still have the same problems! actually they have actaully sometimes worsend

I was weak, only weak people take such an easy way out. I LACKED THE INNER STRENGTH TO TAKE CARE OF PROBLEMS AS THEY CAME, instead I would run from them with my friend alcohol.

i am working on fixing this flaw in my thinking now =P