I'm stil numb even till today. In the past three days, I've seen my mother at the most 3 times and talked to only once. That one time was only because she came into my room this morning (probably to see if I were up) and all she said was bye. I said bye back and she left. Dinners are something that I don't have now. Neither really breakfast. The most I eat at home is string cheese and cake… Which is good I must admit but I know it's no where near healthy for me.I only eat at school to keep people from worrying. they are always worring about me. I think it's rather sweet but kind of annoying at times. Specially since I haven't been getting much sleep here lately. And whenever I do get sleep it's not very good sleep.

I didn't want to get up this morning. I thought maybe I should just stay in, skip school. But mother would never allow that. Specially with recent events. I don't talk much in any of my classes anymore. Too much on my mind. I had a dream the other night that my mother forced me to break up with my boyfriend and it made me really really really really depressed. I spent the whole next day thinking about that. I had to fake a good smile so my boyfriend didn't know about it. I just… I didn't want to tell him. Not right now at least. If they continue I might.

Another dream I had was I told my mother everything. I have that dream quite often in fact. where we are just talking but I'm the only one talking and she's actually listening to me. I would tell her my feeling on everything and we would just talk for hours and it actually be talking. There would be no yelling or screaming or misunderstandings. I just… I wish that could happen… you know… in real life… But it's whatever I guess.

But it's not whatever at the same time. I'm really sad that me and mother are not talking. The silence is killing me… I don't enjoy it. It just makes me depressed. My family just loves silence. Whenever two of our family members are fighting the whole house is silent. That's why I always have my ipod….

GTG anyways. Class is ending…

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 10 years ago

    I think your dreams are reflections of your concerns and what you need from your family. I would seek out other  more receptive adults, if this need can not be met in the family. I think your family doesn't talk to each other, because it would cause conflict and conflict avoidence in your family seems to be the way they operate.

    0 kudos

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