Well, it\'s another Friday night, and once again I find myself alone again. since i\'ve moved here to cali, i really haven\'t made any friends to hang with or anything. i mean they\'re are people who i could be hanging out with right now that i\'ve met and they\'ve asked me to hangout, however these people are all into drinking, drugs, smoking(multiple things), etc.), it ofcourse doesn\'t by any means make them bad people, just that i used to be involved in this lifestyle myself and the last thing i want is to be around people like this again. i refuse to drink etc. anymore. its been atleast 4 years. and i really can\'t be around that kind of atmosphere anymore either, i\'ve tried and it just gets on my nerves really bad.

so at any rate yea, it\'s a Friday night and here i am alone again. i should\'nt be alone at all! there is no need for it whatsoever! but i\'m the one that lets it go on so i\'m the only one to blame. i remember just not too long ago when i looked forward to friday nights…lol, seems like so long ago…

lol, atleast back in Ohio before my move and for the past few years when i was focusing on recovery, i was just at home with my parents and my nephew. but i Love my nephew very much and helped raise him or pretty much did for the most part so we would do alot of things on friday night. that or i might talk to my Mom alot or sometimes hang with my brother. i have nooone here but my GF. i dont mean to make that sound like "just my GF", in a bad way. just i don\'t get to see her as much anymore, so i am alone ALOT! and it gets really lonely here by myself. i am left here with my thoughts and demons to deal with. along with the sound of gunshots outside everynight, constant anxiety, overwhelming depression, waking up (when i can fall asleep) from such intense nightmares that i have panic attacks and or cry…it really sucks being completely alone and i don\'t need to be alone this much. Imma have to do something about it soon cause this shit just aint cuttin it.