okay, so I’m supposed to be positive. i crave a friendship  but it's kind of hard to have one when you  almost never leave your goddamn room. also when you would like to hide your face from everyone around you. i mean  im not being anyone but  myself  with people  my defenses  just seem to be up with most people  even some  family people and because  of that people i sit there quite and i hide they think i'm being rude/arrogant , putting myself above them, making out their not good enough…I mean is it so hard to work out that someone’s scared/afraid, shy!An to me i think surely it's obvious to people that i have issues, but to be accused because i don't talk I’m in a mood? It hurts…I'm a very nice person but they think People used to think I was mad or just stuck up.  Funny how peoples perceptions… differ from what really is going on internally. The thing about friendship is that it's so hard to find those significant people who really understand where you're coming from, it's like a quest to find the right friends or something. but then again no friend is perfect, that's what I learned from making friends. I only have a handful of real friends , and it's strange because lately I've had the urge to make more friend. which is a pain in the backside  ..ughhh because of this anxiety, but yeah ..I think it's important to have friends, especially those that care and embrace you for the person you are.  It is so difficult to find people where you are coming from. It seems like there are too many little things that gets people to just write you off before you even say a word to them    why can't real life be more like the internet? you don't have to show your face and you can be completely anonymous yet close to someone at the same time.i know i can overcome this. it's just going to take a lot of risk-taking and that constant stomach-churning that i HATE. But I can  over  come it I WILL over  come it