I'm a very depressed person, I think about killing myself often, I'm to afraid to go through with it. I've tried before and ended up in mental hospital. The problem is I have no support group, everyone I trusted enough to tell these feelings of hate,sadness, suicide have left me, have gone on to tell others “I'm crazy” and my family just tell me “to get over it” ” your being a drama queen” and “be grateful there is someone fighting for there life” etc all the common cliche that people say to try make you feel better when in reality they make you feel worse. I don't want to die, but I don't want to feel this pain anymore, I have suffered from depression for then 10 years, I've been unhappy as long as I remember ( I'm only 24). Sadly know one even realized how miserable I was until two years ago when I attempted suicide. No one believed I've been unhappy for that long. This made is worst, I thought I never hid my symptoms of depression well, I started to think people only see what they want to see and don't really care about helping another human being even blood.I waited for a long time for someone to say to me “I know something isn't right” but I never heard those words, I still don't hear them. Basically if I say anything remotely close to be sad, I just hear those stupid common cliche, so I just my mouth because I realized no one wants to hear your not okay, they don't care. I get so jealous when I see someone post a simple sad face and people poring there support me. I wish I had people in my life who care enough to care about me being sad..I cry myself to sleep every night…everyone says if your not happy with your life change it, but how? I love my job, my co-workers are what I don't like, they have no respect for anyone and just care about backstabbing and vicious hurtful gossip. So I decided to look for another job, but either I get no calls at all or I get a interview and still don't get the job. So I'm trying but no luck. I have very few friends, so I try to go out and meet people but they don't like me “Im weird” I just don't have a good personality but I don't understand why that matters if I'm nice and a good person? I'm very shy and don't trust anyone, I've been burned to many times, anxious try to be open and be me but I guess I suck.I want to meet someone and have a family, but every guy I meet either doesn't like me or just wants sex, I'm a very stupid person, I believe lies when I know there lies, but sometimes my lonilness gets the better of me and I convince myself it's better then being alone. It's not, have someone play with your emotions hurts but it's even worst when you let them. Every rejection makes me hate myself a little more, I want to be happy but how am I suppose to change my life?

1 Comment
  1. superMINA 9 years ago

    Hi there,

    I can see where you are coming from. I'm only 19 and I attempted suicide a year and a half ago and ended up in a mental treatment center… I don't think I will ever forget that day. And here I am, on no medications, no connections with support groups besides counselling. I think all my friends have fleed from me because they must be too scared or freaked out by my depression. Yes, I get that when people say "if you are not happy with your life, then change it"… easier friggin said than done. Ever since my overdose, I have not been the same.. I also don't have many friends now, and I have a hard time making new friends. It's extremely hard for me to trust as well. I also used to let men take advantage of me because I was lonely, and it sucks because I always wanted something more than sex.

    To answer your question… I don't know how you are supposed to change your life. I guess I'm still figuring that out myself. I feel like I can relate to the situtation you have posted here. What I try to do is look forward to short-term goals and events before long term ones. I try to think of what will make me happy in the next few hours as opposed to the next few years.

    I wish you all the best though, just know you are not alone in what you feel. Please talk to me if you ever need help or someone to talk to. xoxo

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