There's Always Others to Love…

The older you get, the more you know. It's true. Unless you're really dumbed down, or just too tired to care. My doctor (soon to be ex-doctor) calls that time "the point of no return." I don't ever intend to see that in my life.

A recent video sent me by a friend in the high school band about a thousand years ago, who just happens to be a most conservative right-wing type, has a brilliant graduating ceremony speaker, wherein this young soft-ware guru mad scientist said, "Don't look for meaning in life. There is no meaning." Wherein, everyone lets out a silent gasp…

He goes on… "That's right, search all your life for the American Dream, find yourself in loads of debt, then you get old, and then you die. There is no meaning in life."

"So, instead for me personally," he continues, "I prefer a lifestyle centered around a lot of smaller short-term goals." In otherwords, things he could more easily achieve. I also think this is excellent advice, as nothing can be taken for granted ever again. Life, human life, has taken a huge yet reluctant step into unknown waters, kicking and screaming for the most part, but luckily, we have a few handfuls of enormously talented and brilliant minds, busy at work, at short-term goals. And I am feeling confident that they are achieving them, well some of them, every single day!

Emotion slams me constantly. It's hard to deny. So I try to create a nice safe bubble to inhabit. It's really good sometimes, but as in all things, there is always some knucklehead with a sharp pin. That's okay too, as I am always quick to remind the offender to beware what they have just set loose…

Most days I'm just furious. At our government, at the people we, as Americans, trusted. No wonder other countries have laughed at us. Who is in charge of this circus, anyway… ??? (Short-term goals… stay focused…)

When I feel forgotten, or unimportant, or even offended, misunderstood, and the worst, of course, dis-respected, and that one can embody many levels, trust me on that… well, I remember people I have truly and wholly loved, not in any special part, but in their entire totality, good and bad. Those kinds of relationships in this crazy world are few and far between nowadays, mi amigos. Often the thought of them swiftly brings on the loss of them, wherever they went. And that brings on the emotion, and the feeling lost and forgotten. And so I childishly grasp for a parent, a father to steady my path, for a meaning where there is none. Yes, sometimes the sadness is overwhelming.

Back to love, and letting go, I think that's what you must consciously do, since love is such a deeply spiritual and intimate experience. Once you recognize that you must just let go, whether it is a grandmother, or a beloved pet, or a teacher, whoever you may have lost and miss, somehow portals of real magic open ahead, and all we have to do is just walk confidently through them. No great meaning, just fun, adventure and challenge. Of that last one, we can be sure.

So tonight's new short-term goal is to love more, love better, and open my own heart for the experience. Because we all know, as we get older, the road can be quite bumpy and unpredictable, you better put your seat-belt on…

This past week a overly hyper and very lonely lady just a year younger than me, hurt my feelings really badly, but not understanding me, not understanding love, and not understanding how she was affecting others. I truly believe in ripples. What you are sending out all the time matters. A lot. But in my open, sorry, aching heart, I know she is innocent. She could not have known the depth, and breadth and height, my soul can reach… hehe (It was about a paint horse named Batman.) Sometimes people can't listen. They can't shut up their constantly exploding mind chatter long enough to even begin to try to feel. And love is first about feeling. So if you are lucky enough to have that feeling, right now, this minute, enjoy it. Relish every smile, and every other tiny little thing about sharing the planet with another human you love. And if you don't have a human handy, there is always a way to show your love, open your heart, and you will find a way… I have a older blind rat terrier named Jake who loves me. I also have a mostly white cat named Arnie, and he's my baby. He's happy with that and so am I. At the crazy age of 59, a wonderful catty of constant joy wants to be with me. We're pretty much in love, I guess… haha

And as for tomorrow, I am also one of those hyper people with a million ideas and a very easily irritated attitude toward ignorance and stupidity, and an especially unpleasant disposition towards anything cruel, unkind or hurtful. A joyful artist usually, at the edge of my piscean sign, the quite spirited aries keeps me in trouble most of the time… But I've learned a lot there… turn around… walk away… quietly… deep breath…

So, remember, there is no big meaning in life. There very well may be crazy dastardly evil villains running amouk with everything, but tonight, it is cold in central Tejas, raining for another night in a row, when I say cold, I mean 64 F I think… don't laugh, it's been 104 F… Not fit for anything much but swimming… well, I am a pisces… 🙂 later gators…


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