Saturday, I was in the work cafeteria with my boyfriend. I went to grab some pizza, and the entire tray along with 3 slices of pizza fell to the ground in front of me. Of course, everyone turned around to see what the noise was and what happened. I froze, and then I panicked. I felt like everyone was watching me, laughing at me, talking about me. I ran out of the cafeteria crying, and I couldn't clam myself down. I ended up going into my trailer and I didn't want to come out, because I felt like there would be a huge crowd there judging me. Of course, I know this is all completely irrational, but it's how I felt. My body was shaking, my heart was racing, I was sweating, my breathing was up and I just couldn't bring it back to normal. I eventually ended up having an anxiety attack and my boss let my boyfriend take me home for the rest of the day.
Now I'm really nervous to go back to work. I don't go back to work until Thursday, but still. I feel like an idiot. And even though everyone probably forgot about what happened, I still feel like I'm being judged or thought of as an idiot because of it.
I am in therapy for my social phobia. My therapist tells me that I need to do more positive thinking, and that I have to stop avoiding situations. But it's hard. I try to think positively, and I try to do breathing techniques whenever my anxiety acts up. However, my physical symptoms are so strong and no matter what I do, nothing works.
I've been on medication before. All those meds did for me was turn me into a zombie.