Saturday, I was in the work cafeteria with my boyfriend. I went to grab some pizza, and the entire tray along with 3 slices of pizza fell to the ground in front of me. Of course, everyone turned around to see what the noise was and what happened. I froze, and then I panicked. I felt like everyone was watching me, laughing at me, talking about me. I ran out of the cafeteria crying, and I couldn't clam myself down. I ended up going into my trailer and I didn't want to come out, because I felt like there would be a huge crowd there judging me. Of course, I know this is all completely irrational, but it's how I felt. My body was shaking, my heart was racing, I was sweating, my breathing was up and I just couldn't bring it back to normal. I eventually ended up having an anxiety attack and my boss let my boyfriend take me home for the rest of the day.

Now I'm really nervous to go back to work. I don't go back to work until Thursday, but still. I feel like an idiot. And even though everyone probably forgot about what happened, I still feel like I'm being judged or thought of as an idiot because of it.

I am in therapy for my social phobia. My therapist tells me that I need to do more positive thinking, and that I have to stop avoiding situations. But it's hard. I try to think positively, and I try to do breathing techniques whenever my anxiety acts up. However, my physical symptoms are so strong and no matter what I do, nothing works.

I've been on medication before. All those meds did for me was turn me into a zombie.

1 Comment
  1. MForeverChained 10 years ago

    I know what it feels like to think you're being stared at, judged. My problem mainly comes from stage fright. I LOVE to sing although i can't take that step to get up in front of people and sing. The few people that i have sung in front of were usually because I wasn't thinking about it at the time. Like I wasn't thinking at all. I shut out all of the thought in my head. It's hard. I haven't mastered it to where I can do that anytime I want. But I thought it was worth a shot. I've noticed though that when I shut out my thoughts I was thinking about something peaceful or something (or someone) that I absolutely loved. Us just hanging out of a nice day. That was all I permitted myself to think about. I know that the advice 'just don't think about it' is a lot easier said then done (especially since I haven't even mastered it) but it is worth a shot when you've tried other things.

    I've noticed just continuely taking deep breaths before you do whatever you're going to do, helps. The problem is (with me at least) is sometimes you forget to breathe… literally. You think about all the negative and dwell on something that could be as painless as a poke, but none the less scary, that you totally forget to breathe. Slowing your mind and really thinking helps. Then you realize that you need to breathe. And breathe deeply.

    I'm sorry about your incedent and I hope you can find some help in this comment. Just breathe.

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