So the end of school is coming up and my teachers are just BOMBING me with projects. 14 days left before the end of school and my ECA test for Biiology is TOMORROW. I can't skip. I should have skip Monday. It was the PERFECT day to just say FUCK SCHOOL. No one would have known…. Having that feeling again. Like the whole world is just after me. Waiting for me to trip and fall so their dirty little hands can wrap around my ankles and pull me back. Into that dark, cold, rust bucket of a cell. They want to throw me in it, look the padlack and throw away the key. I'm just so tired of running away from the world. I think I'll just stop running. Give up. Maybe being sucluded in the dark and cold won't be so bad. Like death. Maybe it won't be so bad.
Feel like cutting again. My cuts are all gone. Maybe I could open old wounds and get away with it. My mom still doesn't think I'm depressed. I feel like even if I killed myself she would have her doubts. 'Oh it's just mood swings.' 'You're 15. What the Hell do you have to be depressed about.' Let's see here…. The only father I knew just stopped talking to me A WEEK before he moved out. My mom's 'guy friend' is ALWAYS over now, only 3 months afer my father walked out of the door. I want to scream at her. To tell her I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM ANYMORE. But that would crush her. I mean I think they kissed today. Right before she drove me to the bus stop. They went out ofmyview for a minute and they didn't ACCIDENTLY do it. They purposely walked out of my view.Sure I'll pretendlike I have no idea what just happened….
Whatever…. like anyone cares…. They just pretend to care… In the end the only one you have is yourself… And sometimes not even that.