There have been several occasions in the past in which my friends have let me down or disappointed me. Sometimes the things they do really shouldn\'t be that big of a deal, but it just really gets to me. I\'ve always had this terrible fear of people stabbing me in the back (figuratively) or abandoning me so that\'s usually what I take these types of situations as. To help make sense of what I\'m saying, I\'ll give you an example that happened but a few minutes ago.

So about a month ago I asked my veyr best friend if she wanted to go dress shopping together for this big occasion and she eagerly said yes and we spent over an hour talking about how much fun it will be, where we will go, and what we would look at. Just to inform you, this girl is incredibly sweet, she does not gossip, she\'s adorably shy (just not around me), and incredibly smart. She\'s just one of those people. This is why I felt incredibly hurt when she called me to ask my opinion on a dress. I was like "Wait…who are you with?" and she told me she was at the mall dress shopping with a couple of other girls we know. And I was like "Maybe this sounds silly, but I thought we were going to go dress shopping together?" and then there was a long pause before she exclaimed "CRAP!". She\'d completely forgotten and she feels really terrible but it still weighs on me.

I know it might seem silly but when stuff like this happens to me I go into this incredibly depressing slump for sometimes hours. Also, recently my childhood friend threw a large birthday party but didn\'t invite me and I found out by stumbling across the pictures on the internet. She said she didn\'t invite me because I hadn\'t been able to come the past two years, but that was because my mom\'s birthday lands on the same day so I\'m usually busy with that. This year I was actually available all day long but she didn\'t even bother.

It all just makes me feel like no one cares that much to have me around or want to be with me, being especially painful when it happens with my best friend. I\'ve even had my very best friend (who is also my cousin) tell me she never wants to be my friend again only because she thinks I\'m not mature enough (she\'s older than me, but I guess it\'s only just now making a difference). I\'ve felt this fear of abandonement ever since that happened so I guess that mus be what\'s triggering it. I don\'t know. I just feel so useless and unwanted sometimes. 🙁 I should know that\'s not true, but it gets hard to tell yourself otherwise.

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