So I'm up earlier than I'd like to be, but my body knows best I guess. I actually like this time of morning. My husband either hasn't gotten up yet, hadn't gotten home yet, or is in the bathroom getting ready for work. All depending on his work schedule. Either way, it's solitude. Different than midnight silence. There's not even traffic on the interstate right now. It used to not bother me. Now the sounds of traffic going by my house is like nails on a chalk board.

I'm to the point I don't even turn the television on. I just sit here, stare at my computer, drink my coffee, and vape.

Crap, he just got up. So much for now television.

I feel an explanation is in order. I don't expect much interaction here, at least initially. It's not that I'm antisocial, but then again I guess I am. It's a place to let the dark stuff out. If people read me and respond, that's great. It means I've touched upon something in their own lives. Perhaps they just read. Sometimes I just read. I don't expect I'll have much to offer anyone. If I can't help myself, how can I help others.

Someone told me I have a delayed empty nest syndrome. My daughter moved out over a year ago, but only just got married on New Year's Eve. My son is in the military and has been gone for three years. Yet I talk to him every day. And I actually like having the house to myself when my husband is gone. And he's gone ALOT. He works twelve hour shifts. Just me and my dog, whom is like a child to me anyway.

So what is wrong with me and can it be fixed?

The thing about talking to myself is that I never know when to stop.


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