I know that most people think that the feelings of a teenage girl are irrelevant, but I want to prove someone wrong for a change. I don't want to sound 'holier than thou', I don't want a pity party… all I want is someone to listen (whether it be a stranger or a friend.. at this point it doesn't matter). I am only 17, but I show more signs of depression than people over the age of 30. I have to go ahead and say that I have always been considered mature for my age. I look about 7 years older than I really am, which would place me in my early 20s… any relationship that I have been in has been with older people and I am better friends with people twice my age than people my own age. (A little personal info.)

Since I was 6 years old I was obsessed with soccer… now, I could care less. When I say obsessed, I mean every weekend tournaments and would practice for 2 extra hours every day. The things that made me most happy are cause for confusion. My family is collapsed and I don't know how to deal with them. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my father remarried when I was 5. The relationship that he got invilved with made him happy, but I was abused. Mentally, physically, and in any other way that you can think. She brought me my two sisters though, and that I am at least greaatful for. My dad never knew about the abuse, and then heard 'rumors' about it when she finally left him and my sisters after getting involved in drugs and having multiplde affairs. My mom… well lets just say that I knew all about sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll by the time that I was 6.

My parents have always put me last. My two half-sisters are the apple of my dad's eye and he could care less about me. I am an inconvienence to both of my parents (since day one seeing that it was a shot-gun wedding). And the worst part about the whole thing is that I can admit that without a tear, grimace, or second thought. I tried to get their love and attention by getting straight A's… it doesn't work, I have continued getting all A's and have gotten accepted to some of the US's most prestigous schools. Nothing back from them, only the information that I will be paying for college myself.

I am 17. I have been clinically considered an alcoholic and am addictted to sex. I can't live inside myself, I am not comfortable inside my own skin, I can't find one positive thing about my life. I don't know how to fix it…. I don't know how to be happy.

My dad is engaged to a woman that I am best friends with and I don't know what to do, she can't tell me and neither can T (what I will call a woman who I have been friends with for as long as I can remember). I am lost, and most people think that teens are just looking for attention, but I am looking for help. (This is somwething that most adults think that teens don't do, but please…. I am begging someone for help, advice, guidance, reassurance, and caring.


1 Comment
  1. Jewels31 13 years ago

    You have suffered much and you do express yourself very well.  I was wondering if you see a therapist or are on meds?  The accomplishments that you have made in your life are yours and yours only.  You earned them, maybe it was an escape from your family and abuse, but be proud of your rewards for the hard work you put into your lifes achievements.  If you are an addict of anything, in MY opinion I would suggest group and or one on one therapy.  You don't have to go this alone.  As for sex addict, please keep yourself safew ith protection and be sure you know that you will not be physically harmed in anyway.  As for your friend being with your father, I can't imagine the loss you must feel.  I felt a huge loss when my exhusband moved into my mother and stepfathers house, while my my 2 1/2 yr old were in a shelter.  All because I left him…….I got very sick after my Lovey was born.  I suffered severe Post Partum Depression, lost my shit and my family ostrisized me, and felt bad for him.  Sorry I went off on myself.  I just want you to know I can understand , in my own way.  Hope I have helped.  Please feel free to write back about anything.

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