It seems to be so…cliche to be writing this just hours after my last post introducing the fact that I finally had a boyfriend for the first time in my life. But I guess after writing that it really made me think. And soon he was online and saying "how'd your day go honey?" and I wanted to say it was just fine but I couldn't lie. So I told him I'd had a pretty rough day…and he wanted to know why. I wanted to tell him in person. But it just didn't work out that way…so at least I told him on the phone. And he understood, but he was hurt because I'd rejected him a second time (I'd told him I couldn't go out with him the first time he asked me). But he told me not to worry about him, he really would be ok. But I know he can't be ok. How can anyone be ok with someone rejecting them twice?

And I wanted so much to stay together. I don't know how I am going to get over this. I am going to cry and cry and cry for days. Not so much because I miss HIM but because I miss being with him, having someone who liked me as a little more than a friend. And even worse is the embarrassment…a week long Facebook relationship…yay. At least he still wants to be friends. We'll probably see each other this weekend at the ballroom dance class. But I won't be his special girl on the arm to his graduation ball, which was a huge deal for me and I'd just told him today I would go with him to it. It was a huge deal because I never got to go to prom and the only guy I ever went with to a formal was to my brother's graduation ball at his military academy. And the older you get, the less chance for formals like that are…I mean, I was already 5 years older as it was.

And I won't get to be the girl he wants to call and talk with and call honey. I had already bought clothes even for our first official date which was supposed to take place next weekend. I was so looking forward to finally having that. Instead, I'm alone again.