I’m so f*cking pissed off right now, you have no idea.

So lately, my brother has been hanging out with some loser up the road. He’s only 19 but he drinks anyways and smokes dope. He and his friends have vandalized property and any time they get drunk and/or high, they immediately pull out a camera because, naturally, stupidity that great must be documented.

They’ve taken pictures of themselves grinding into stuffed animals. They’ve taken pictures of a guy’s naked ass. They’ve taken pictures of themselves rearranging the letters on a restaurant sign so that it says something dirty. And they’ve taken pictures of their friends smoking dope and looking like total losers doing it.

All in all, it’s a crappy environment to be in.

And yet my brother thinks it’s just fine sitting in a cloud of smoke with underage drunks. He doesn’t think there are any risks at all but tonight, my Dad found out what sort of crap they get up to and told him to come the hell home.

What pisses me off is this (mind you, I just ranted about this a day or so ago): I do all this work, right? I track him online, I let my parents know what’s up. And when my Mom thought she’d have to physically yank him out of there, I was the one she wanted to go with her because my Dad is too lazy to get his ass out of bed. But as soon as I say, "Well, I’m going downstairs to play a game." she responds, "But what about your brother? He’ll need something to play, is there something for him?"

You’ve gotta be f*cking kidding me. I’ve had three jobs and have worked my ass off at each one. My current co workers love me, they’ve all said I’m doing a good job and we all get along. I go to college and bust my ass even though I’m unhappy and unsure of my major. I set up appointments and show up on time. I’m planning out a future while simultaneously trying to keep my brother from getting arrested or expelled from school. And she’s worried about whether or not the dumbass has a game to play?!?!?! What the f*ck about me?!?! My laptop has been gone for over two months and it’s all I really have to do and she’s worried about him?!?!?!

I think I hate these people. I hope things flip later in life. I hope they have to struggle and bust their asses to get by while I’m off having fun, working a nice job, and finally content because I’ve had nearly 21 years of hell and I’m more than ready for at least 21 years of happiness. I’m tired of being treated like a tool, something they take out of the shed when they need help and then throw back in a dark corner when they’re finished. I have feelings too, you know, I can’t just work and then come home and sit in my room all alone not doing anything.

I’m so pissed off that I even feel like taking it out on my boyfriend. He went to eat like 3 or 4 hours ago but I’ve been really busy tracking down my brother’s stupid ass and so I thought he was still out until I saw the time. I texted him to ask when he’d be back and he said that he was playing a game with his brothers which infuriates me. I know he hasn’t done anything wrong but I’m mad that we haven’t had any time to talk for the past few days and that I’m alone. I’m also angry that he knows I’m upset but is just sitting there gaming and having something of a conversation with me via texts. I could ask him to come back but I don’t want to, screw everyone, I’m so infuriated that it’s a wonder my heart hasn’t exploded by now. I truly think, given the amount of stress, anxiety, and depression I’ve had to deal with that I’ll be dead before I’m 40. I really do.