I had everything at my feet – a fiance, a home i loved, a degree and a wedding to prepare… Then I played the good samaritan; and I've regretted it ever since.

I let a young 19 year old into my home, my soon-to-be-marriage, and my life. She was a nice girl who had some issues of her own and I felt I should assist her with her problems, which I did. And then hubby and I agreed to let her move in because it was either that or she was going to be in an abusive marriage which we were not willing to do.

Naturally there was a turbulent time ahead with helping her arrange her divorce and the husband doing his best to get her back. Hubby and I were always on the kinky side and let said girl into our bed which was fine until christmas. I had the coil fitted to co-inside with me starting university in September the last thing we wanted was the pitter patter of tiny feet whilst I was doing a law degree. from then on hubby wasn't interested in me. He was far happier playing with the girl I was pushed out and there simply to act like a mother figure to the both of them.

Then Steve came along. An old friend who was kind to me nice to me and treated me like the 21 year old I was. Not a mother.

I began to spend alot more time back in my home town visiting him and lavishing in how I was being treated. So one day a few weeks later – hubby asked me if I still wanted to be with him. I couldn't answer. to me really that was enough to admit my marriage and my life as I knew it was well and truly over. I moved back to my hometown and in with new partner. I was happy treated well and even changed the way I dressed to a lighter more colourful feel.

But now two months later my mind is falling down into a spiralling pit and I miss my old life. I love Steve I really do he looks after me and worries about me like Hubby never did. But part of me is hurting because I spent 3 years with a man that couldn't say "I love you" and mean it or keep a single promise to me. Yet with new girl he's whisking her off for a weekend in germany and taking her shopping. hell he even takes her down to his mothers every other weekend.

I can't stop crying and i know that if it wasn't for steve I would have done something stupid by now. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of guilt because I've fucked EVERYTHING up. and the worst part is…..

I know everyone is better off without me – and hubby is living proof

  1. cleopardi 10 years ago

    no one is better off without u.  i know u would hurt alot of people.  u are just facing a difficult and u feel that thats a way out.  its not an option.  there is 2 people to be blamed for the messup, give urself a break from the guilt.  please don't do anythig rash please hang in there thing will work themselves out.  cindy

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  2. downey491 10 years ago

    Thanks for the comment Cindi xxx


    I'm just very confused at what to do at the moment. I really wish I could turn back the clock and go back to the way things were.



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