You would think that since I get up at 5am (or earlier) and have at least 2 hours to myself before anyone in the house gets up, that would put/keep me in a good mood. For some reason, this morning….I find myself annoyed.

Annoyed at children that are up for not being quiet and considerate of others that are still in bed sleeping. Annoyed at the arguing/bickering, annoyed when they ask me the simplist of questions.

Annoyed that there are people that are still sleeping. Kind of an oxymoron really. My thought is that if they had been responsible and gone to bed at a decent hour, then they would have no problem getting up at 8am on a Sunday morning. Although, one in the house did go to bed at a decent hour. Why do I even worry about it?

I'm annoyed because the children can't/won't sleep late. You would think 8am on a Sunday would be good enough. How late do I expect them to sleep? Or is it somewhat envy because I am purpetually up at the ass crack of dawn day after day after day.

Funny thing though, it's my favorite time of day.

Oh I am sick of the bickering/rudeness. *sigh*

And honestly, considering their ages….it's not like it's a rare common occurance for any normal siblings. Especially given that there are so many of them.

My oldest is 20 & about to start her 3 year in college. I had her with a previous "learning experience". She lives about 3 hours away so she's pretty much exempt from all of it. And yes I do sometimes think….she's lucky.

Next is a 17 yr old boy, foster child. He's been with us a couple months now. He's a good kid with an abundance of bad situations, recent ones he didn't create. Then there's our 15 yr old daughter & 14 yr old son(both adopted). Two 13 yr old girls (one adopted & one birth) and another 11 yr old daughter (birth).

In addition to them, for the next couple weeks we have 3 foster children, ages 4, 6, & 8 for respite. Their foster parents went on vacation. Before our most recent foster son came to stay with us, my husband, J, was approached for the respite and he agreed to it. I was leary.

There was enough seeming chaos in the house with 5 kids let alone 3 more. Then the boy came along….made it 6. Luckily, he gets along with everyone and seems to have blended in quite well.

I expressed concern to J about having 3 extra bodies in the house. Granted, it wasn't much different than the kids having friends over…..pretty much the same number of bodies. He was, and seems to continue to be, very confident about the situation. He says he enjoys having all the kids around. To me, the enormity of it all seemed overwhelming.

Little ones have been here a week. While things have gone well for the most part, I can't help but feel like a bystander in my own home. I'm holding out for a couple more weeks. Hoping that things will settle a bit more once they go back to their regular foster home.

I fear it won't. It's not uncomon for me to feel like a bystander, so to speak. Things swirl & happen around me and while I'm there, I don't necessarily always feel like a participant. Does that even make sense? I question whether it does or not especially if I've had a hand in planning something, like a picnic or something.

Alas….I must go tend to noisy arguing. And for some reason, I feel the need to be up doing something, although I have no clue what as I really don't have the desire to do much of anything. Another seemingly oxymoronic moment that tends to be the norm lately. Fodder for another day perhaps…..