What to say? It's been a few days since my last blog, but I've been too busy to find time to get online. My family and I went on a short vacation to Orlando and spent a lot of time at the water park playing and Universal's City Walk. We even went to dinner at Margaritaville and it was incredible! We had the table front and center to the stage where a really great band was playing and had so much fun with it. I sat there and sang and whistled and clapped my hands until they hurt and then went numb. At one point the lead guitarist came right next to us and stood on a chair and played. So cool!
We just got home yesterday morning. Although we enjoyed ourselves it was time to come home and we all were looking forward to it. Hard to believe,but we're all homebodies that like our routines. Having no routine is very difficult for all of us for different reasons; my son has ADHD and needs structure to keep him fairly calm, my husband is ex-military and is a control freak and gets really grumpy if he doesn't have his usual routine, and then there's me. Changing my daily routine stresses me and makes me more likely to have a bipolar episode.
Nonetheless it was a nice distraction. A lot of fun stuff happened, and funny stuff as well. And Zachary popped out his second baby tooth on Friday night. He was sooo excited about that. The tooth fairy came and let him 5 dollars for it. 😉
As for my depression issues from the past month or so, I think my therapist truly helped me this last session. I haven't been weeping or have had the desire to since the day after I saw her. I'm keeping my promise still about staying away from my Dad and not being in contact with him, but it's hard. It's like a drug~ always needing to talk to him in the hopes that maybe this time he'll accept me for who and what I am, wanting his approval and love even though I know in my heart that's not what will happen. He's bad for me and I know it.
On Wednesday I'm going to go pick up my violin from the music shop. I'm nervous and anxious about it because I don't want to deal with my ex-manager again. I think it's best for me to just shut that door and walk away. Seeing him is painful for me on so many levels and it's just best to not have contact with him if at all possible. Unfortunately I have to go in ocassionally to pick up much needed supplies and they're the only ones around that have that kind of thing.
I'm so mad at myself right now. I had started eating healthy and dropping 2-3 pounds each week back in the fall and had dropped almost 15 pounds, but then I became severely depressed and stopped bothering with it. I convinced myself that I didn't care anymore, what did it matter anyway? So I ate whatever I wanted, stopped counting calories and watching my carb and fat intake. It took me almost 3 months to drop that much weight, and only 1-2 to gain it all back plus a couple more!ARRGGGHHHHHH! Now I have to start all over again…(sigh).
I think that's it from here. I don't have anything of interest to talk about really, so I'll quit blogging for today. Hope you are all doing well and taking good care of your wonderful selves. 😀