I’m down, again, for no reason. I should be happy it’s for no reason. I am happy it’s for no reason. Or I guess I should not be happy it’s for no reason. Who knows?

I go up and down all day. I see beauty in nature or hear a great song and it makes me happy or is it that i love it because i happen to be cycling up??

Whatever, so many years like this ..12? More?

Doing anything makes me happier but when I’m down I have zero motivation to do anything.

Being in a relationship helps a lot. But I’ve decided I don’t want anymore mediocre relationships, where the guy loves me and I don’t love him… he’s just fun sort of or company… I just can’t do it anymore.

So I’m on my own and depressed half the time. Better than being with someone I don’t love.  I’m ok with being alone forever . I’m done with settling. But this depression thing is really crappy.