Today has been a really bad day for me.  I am so very very frustrated.  I’ve been ready to explode at the drop of a hat.  Every little noise, every little sound seems to make me want to run screaming.  I feel like everyone in my life is wanting something from me right now.  I haven’t had any time to myself in who knows how long. 

I’m really upset with my husband.  Don’t get me wrong I know I am lucky.  I’ve not been near as lucky before so I really try not to take it for granted.  But I’m reaching a point with him that really scares me.  About 3 weeks ago I lost my job due to reorganization of the company.  A week later my husband quit his job.  We both worked for the same company.  I don’t want to go into a long drawn out story but his quiting created  alot of frustation in me.  Since he has been home I can’t get him to do anything.  We have so many projects to finish up around the house and I can’t get any help from him at all.  I makes me so very mad.  I try so hard to be patient but my patience is running very thin.  There are days I don’t want to even consider moving in bed let alone get out of bed.  Yet I do and I carry on getting things done.  Yes I know I have days I don’t get near the things done that I should.  But I always try.  I feel like I’m being taken for granted.  He tells me his ex wife didn’t do anything.  She didn’t cook, clean nothing.  I do everything in our home.  Yes occassionally he will cook dinner or do dishes.  But 90% of the time I take care of it.  All my life I have taken care of everyone in my life.  I know this sound so selfish but I want to be taken care of for a change.  He knew this when he met me.  I was very clear.  That doesn’t mean I expect him to do it all by any means. 

When we met I was very clear that I had no intention of every getting married again.  I was very up front about why and how I felt.  As time went on my mind began to change.  One of the things I worried about is when you get married people always seem to change.  I know that people will change some but my ex husband changed so much.  I feel like my husband has changed too.  He wasn’t like this before.  Maybe he is tired of dealing with me.  Maybe is it my fault that he is starting to be this way.  I’m so upset, so frustrated, so angry and so confused.