Hi Everyone,
I’m new to this website actively seeking out other like minded people!
I’ve suffered with anxiety since my days in high school. It primarily stems from low self-esteem, low self-worth, depression and the list goes on…
I actively sought and went to hypnotherapy for social anxiety. I had really bad irrational, over-thinking thoughts surrounding speaking in front of people, resulting in skipping school/going bright red/paranoia etc…
Since receiving therapy my anxiety died down, even during times of stress or situations where my anxiety became exploited at university e.g. public speaking. I still managed to keep it together but recently my anxiety is creeping back again.
I look at my life and think what have i got to be anxious about? I have a loving partner who I have been with for 7 years, I have a job which I love, we are moving into our first apartment (moving out of the in-laws YAY!) in two weeks. Everything should be great.. shouldn’t it?
But for some reason my anxiety is creeping in, i have spent nearly all of half term break (I work in a school) in bed. I have spent the week as an emotional wreck, crying unnecessarily, over thinking any and all situations. Hating myself, what I look like, who I am. I don’t know what is wrong with me but at the moment I have no motivation, my brain cannot shut off and i am retreating to my old adolescent ways. Emotional eating is also a biggy for me, creating an endless vicious self-destructing circle.. but that’s a whole blog by itself.
Take a recent situation, mother in-law (to be) invited me to a cocktail event with just her over text, with my partner and his dad going out to the pub separately . Immediately I begin over thinking, the idea of this situation makes me feel sick, I become upset and ignore the text. The next day I’m asked if I have seen it, I obviously lie (as I always do) claiming that I have only just seen it. After hours of deliberating I reply, being honest, telling her how i feel. I get a reply of ‘O.K’ – the irrational thoughts start up again, what does O.K mean? Is it O.K 🙂 or O.K 🙁 ?? or is it just a genuine O.K… Later on my partner then tells me that no one is now going out (mother in-law and both my partner & father in-law) because i said i didn’t want to. Begin the over-thinking again, how bad i am that i have stopped everyone else going out, spending the rest of the night upset with my mind over playing the situation again and again.
My local authority has self-referral IAPT. So i think i might contact them and see where i can go from there.
I’m sorry for the rant. I don’t expect any replies to this, It just feels good to get it out in writing instead of staying in this shitty head of mine.
For those that have read this – a big genuine thank you.
Becky
x
Thanks for this. I never really thought I had an issue with change but I can see you point!
Hi, beckygilbert11! (Hawk took the words right out of my fingers!) lol
Anything new or different, generally is a huge trigger….
i wish i had something better to tell ya….i just hope in time you can get this thing under control and enjoy your life with your partner! Good luck!!!
Good luck with this new apartment with your partner! I can relate to your anxiety creeping back initcoukf be change or little things building up- I get anxiety when there is no reason but it could be just the whole idea of changing like delane and hawk have said
I am also very new (this is the first blog I’ve read) I also am going through very similar situations as you are. I never understood how I could go from being in a healthy state to reverting back to that anxiety/ depressed state.