I struggle to trust people and I have my
safe people who I do trust. That was until they did something that has set me backwards. Working with a therapist I found myself feeling almost like a whole person until last Sunday. Now, I feel like someone has hollowed me out and I have to pick up the pieces again.
I did something major in my writing career and I wanted to celebrate it naturally because it was a big deal. So, I decided to do a little something with my sister, her friends and a few of our cousins. A few people canceled and that was okay. When we got to the restaurant, we were waiting for the rest of our party. They sat us anyway and we said there was more people coming. A half hour goes by and my messages are opened and ignored. What I didn’t know could be my worst fear was coming true. The safe people could not be bothered coming to celebrate this huge accomplishment. I felt myself go numb as I realized I had been jilted.
I came back home as I powered through that lunch as I was shrinking smaller and smaller. I was hurt and angry that it was like pulling teeth getting support for my family pursuing this career despite the risk and actually doing what they said I couldn’t. Asking the safe people to celebrate with me is too much to ask for. What was I thinking and how could they do that to. My sister did not know what to do and was angry that the safe people could do this so selfishly. I crawled into bed as my mom and sister scrambled to figure out what they could do as I was falling apart. I could not go to work that next day and I’m still processing what happened. It hasn’t even been a week yet and I wish Sunday never happened.