When you feel anxious, do you like to have others around you?

Here is why I am asking….

My Mom is a cancer survivor.  She goes through intensive tests, scans and follow-ups every 3-4 months.  She travels across the county for this.

I have gone with her every time for the past 2 years.  I have an older brother who hardly ever helps.  I also have an older sister who lives in that part of the country who refuses to help.  I have missed work and cancelled vacations to do this.

I suffer major anxiety during these trips.  I can\'t sleep.  My stomach is sick the entire time.  When I come home I have nightmares for weeks.  The reprieve of good news is too short because then we start worrying about  test results for the upcoming trip.  

Last time the doctors spotted tiny nodules on my Mom\'s lungs.  Very small, they want to do another scan and bloodwork called "tumor markers" in October.

My Mom asked me to come with her.  I said no.  My fiance is being honored for his work and we have a trip planned.  I also don\'t want to go in general, it brings my anxiety level up way too high.  My brother and sister should help.

My Mom forgets all the good I have done and calls me a dissapointment, lumped into the same unhelpful and ungrateful category as my brother and sister.  She says my priorities are out of whack.  She says I don\'t care that should potentially get horrible news and be all alone.  She says she is not angry, but now she only says 2 words to me when I talk to her on the phone and won\'t look me in the face when I see her.

I understand that she is scared, but she is too wrapped up in her fear to respect where I am coming form and all I have done.

Obviously if she gets bad news and needs help, I will be there, just so you all know.

I try my best, if I say no to something it\'s because I absolutely have to for my own sanity.  My best is not good enough.

I want my parent back.


  1. katyellis76 12 years ago

    i totaly understand my mom had some of the same issues shes fine now but my brothers never once went with her for hospital trips or doctor appointments they still dont and it seemed like i was the only one who was really even worried for her health at all its hard and like u my mom is the hardest on me i think maybe they care so much for us theyre harder on us as their messed upo way of parenting i hope your siblings step up to the plate because i do know how stressful it can be
    – kate –

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  2. susanwa2 12 years ago

    I went through the same thing with both of my parents. I can\'t tell you how many times it was just me, (all the time) even though I have three other siblings. When my mother was sick I at least had my Dad but once my mother was gone and my dad got cancer it was all me. I actually begged and cried for each of them to do something to comfort my dad through this, with no avail. I went through this for years, forsaking my husband and my children and myself, (they survived) but after my father died I can\'t tell you how glad I was that I was there for him 100 percent. It was one of the worst things that I have ever gone through but let me tell you I have not one regret. On the other hand I hear my siblings say how they wished they would have been there more, honestly I really harbor bad feelings towards them for it. Good luck in this.

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