So I’ve been feeling a bit down these past few weeks, or should I say months, since my family is not talking to me, my ex is a pain in my side, and my work is just plain stressful. For some reason, everything is riding on a rollercoaster now with regards to my anxieties. I’m doing my best to keep it together but it can be tough at times. I’ve noticed that when my anxieties flare-up my stomach gets all weird to the point that it gives me acid reflux, I think?, because my chest hurts every now and again. I know what anxieties are and what they do to the chest but not like this. I also think that the acid gets bad enough that it affects my lungs since I hack here and there due to my chest breaking up something. I know, gross and I apologies but I’m sure some of you go through the same thing.
I’ve recently started dating this girl and she’s really nice but it is stressful sometimes because she doesn’t know how my anxieties affect my life but she is understanding for the most part. The only thing that is not so good for me and her is her daughter because he dad is a jerk and I think he brain washes the poor kid. She’s only 6 and I can already see it. I’m an affectionate person and don’t mind giving hugs when I see family and friends but she runs when she sees me. I does hurt my feelings and affects me because you know how anxieties can go, they like to plant thoughts here and there.
Today is finally Friday, woohoo! Work has been a pill and I’m looking forward to some day transferring from one group to another. I work on a technology service desk (glorified helpdesk word) and talk all day so it’s nice to not do that. I guess that is why I just like to hear people talk. It’s very soothing for me. I could just see myself sitting in the sun/shade listening to a person talk about something they really enjoy. It would also help if it were a really cute girl ;o) haha… I’m such a dork.
Oh, one more thing, I’m starting to think that bad air and hot weather affect my anxieties because ever since Cali and hot + dirty air has been thicker than usual, I’ve been bogged down by it. Anyone experience the same thing? Maybe it’s my family not communicating with me or something. I should start reading my new anxiety workbook I bought months ago. I stopped reading it because I was doing really good so figured I didn’t need it. I like those books because they can help a person out. I guess I’ve been hanging on because I’m like “screw it,” if I have an anxiety/panic attack” then oh well. But then again, I need to work so have to keep it together for me and my little 9 yr old daughter.. and myself of course :o)

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