things have got better since my last blog.
I was very angry when i wrote it. There was no perspective to it., Ive split up with matt. It was too mjuch maintaing a relationship whilst beign so young and far away from each other. We were used to seeing each other eveyday, it was hard. He didnt trust the guys around me & i felt like i was missing out on (A) being a typical student by being in a relationship but also (B) not actually feeling like i was in a relationship at all.
I cheated on matt. he doesnt know this tho. I met a guy called Alex here, who i get on with on such a level its unreal he's freakly like me in so many ways. He didnt want anything to happen whilst i was with matt, but being here its not like being in reality back home, you feel untouchable . So i cheated. i took a risk. i left matt a week ago. Me & alex are togther now.
I'm not saying its prefect or easy now, its not, it comes with its own set of rules and difficulties living with the person 24/7 almost he lives i the flat below me but its too easy to be in each others spaces, but he manage it well, we're in different subjects, have different days off, and he has basketball training 4 times a week for 2-3 hours.
I realised today how much i like him. I knew it from the moment i saw him, but i wouldnt admit it to myself. i couldnt. not whilst i was with matt, your not suposed to love the person who itsnt your boyfriend! Alex told me he loved me last week, but i held back, i didnt want to. We've just had a little.. disagreement, its not even that really, he was suposed to be staying in my room, and i'm not feeling well, and fell asleep like your suposed to , btu alex couldnt sleep so said he was going to his bed, which upset me and woke me up. So he got pissy that i was upset. Which provoked a text war, and i told him how i felt. he hasnt replyed. and now i feel like afool. he told me when he was drunk- nither of us are drunk now.,
am i an idiot? am i just replacing matt with alex? i really connect with alex, on alevel that i never did with matt. alex understands the feelings behind me, not just understands my behaviour and accepted it like matt had to. Alex knows it, he gets it all
I feel so happy now at uni, i love being here, i love the challenge of the work, being independant.
i stood up to my flat mates and now they all chip in 🙂 alex help me reslove that one!