I joined this site today because I'm finding it extremely difficult to quit drinking. I have a really tough time reaching out to those who are close to me, I have never been so depressed and I don't want to further sadden those I care for because of my depression and feelings of hopelessness lately. There isn't a day that has passed recentlythat I haven't spent on the verge of tears. I've had a problem with drinking for years now, but this past year has been the worst. I have recently lost a close friend, a family member, a relationship that was healthy/supportive and who I thought was 'the one'and the one living thing that I felt was always there for me – my dog. I've put not only myself, but family members through what seems like hell because of my addiction and I don't know why it's so difficult for me to knock it. It doesn't take a genius to weigh the positives and negatives of feedng an addiction.I've tried AA and haven't found it to work for me, (I'm not religious and that's a large aspect of it), and I'm finding it very difficult to find sober friends and people to talk to. I'm sick of feeling like a burden to friends and family. Last August/September Iattended a 28 dayinpatient rehab in which I learned to have fun and laugh again without alcohol and with sober friends, which tells me that having that support is key, but I'm having a terrible time finding those out there like myself if not through AA. I feel like I've forgotten what it feels like to be genuinely happy. I put on a smile and although it's sincere at times, but it never seems to last.I don't know where to turn to anymore and I'm feeling extremely lost, frustrated and alone.