Hi everyone,

I joined this site today because I'm finding it extremely difficult to quit drinking. I have a really tough time reaching out to those who are close to me, I have never been so depressed and I don't want to further sadden those I care for because of my depression and feelings of hopelessness lately. There isn't a day that has passed recentlythat I haven't spent on the verge of tears. I've had a problem with drinking for years now, but this past year has been the worst. I have recently lost a close friend, a family member, a relationship that was healthy/supportive and who I thought was 'the one'and the one living thing that I felt was always there for me – my dog. I've put not only myself, but family members through what seems like hell because of my addiction and I don't know why it's so difficult for me to knock it. It doesn't take a genius to weigh the positives and negatives of feedng an addiction.I've tried AA and haven't found it to work for me, (I'm not religious and that's a large aspect of it), and I'm finding it very difficult to find sober friends and people to talk to. I'm sick of feeling like a burden to friends and family. Last August/September Iattended a 28 dayinpatient rehab in which I learned to have fun and laugh again without alcohol and with sober friends, which tells me that having that support is key, but I'm having a terrible time finding those out there like myself if not through AA. I feel like I've forgotten what it feels like to be genuinely happy. I put on a smile and although it's sincere at times, but it never seems to last.I don't know where to turn to anymore and I'm feeling extremely lost, frustrated and alone.

4 Comments
  1. hbiioasa22 7 years ago

    Hi, TC1986, I joined this site today looking for support for a very different reason.  First I would like to tell you how brave I think you are to put your feelings out there.  You did the most important thing, admitting you have a problem!  I know you said you are not a very religious person but it's never to late to start.  You need to turn your life over to God and put your life in his hands.  You also need to apologize to your family and friends you have disappointed and hurt by your addiction.  You need to understand that your family and friends do not hate you or they are not mad at you, they hate the addiction, they are mad at the alcohol.  It tears them apart to watch someone so precious to them be overpowered by this disease.  I am proud of you for seeking inpatient treatment, that is very commendable.  You need to wake up every day and Thank God that you are alive, then ask him to help you not take a drink today!  You need to do this every day for the rest of your life.  You need to find things you enjoy doing in your community.  You said you lost your dog, and I am very sorry for that.  Why don't you post a sign at the library that you will walk dogs in your neighborhood, visit the elderly at a nursing home in your area, go on an online dating site looking for sober friends!  There are many things you can do to make your life rewarding and alcohol free.  I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find happiness in the near future!

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  2. michaels_ward 7 years ago

    TC,

    I just wanted to give you a little word of encouragement.  I don't want to assume anything about what you wrote, so I apologize in advance if I missed anything or got it wrong.  Also, I'm truly sorry for your recent loss.

    We all grieve in our own way.  None of it is wrong, unless of course, it does us harm.  You wrote that you've been on the "verge of tears".  I personally believe that tears can be healthy.  It's letting yourself feel the loss.  Holding it in, I suppose, might just lead to harmful ways of dealing with it.  

    So, as I read, I kept thinking, this girl has her own answers on the tip of her tongue.  You knew that you felt like crying.  You also knew that numbing yourself to it was not working.  I also noticed how much better you felt when sober and around others who were as well.  

    Also, you had this idea of religion right on your tongue.  You wrote, "I'm not religious".  Of course, that's alright.  But, when you wrote about "spiritual" things, you sounded so happy.  I got this feeling that you know inside yourself, the real difference between religion and spirit.  

    For me, I can tell that something is spirit when it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  Or, it gives me goosebumps.  A special song can do that for me.  Hearing a soft rain on the roof, with an occasional sound of thunder, can definitely do that.  Things that you wrote about, I could tell, showed a spiritual side of you.  Like I was saying, these were your own answers on the tip of your tongue.  

    So, reach for these things.  I believe that's what'll keep you from the "dark side".  It doesn't have to be religion, as society organizes it.  You have your spirit inside you.  You will smile more again.  You will happily turn to your family and friends, and it'll be genuinely you. 

    I wish you peace TC, sincerely, 

    Michael

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  3. Jen3467 7 years ago

    Hi TC!  I'm Jen…I'm 15 days sober!!  Here, we have a place called Touchstone…where they offer therapy and groups for addicts and mental health issues.  I suffer from depression and PTSD….I'm an alcoholic, and have pretty much lost everything but my bf.  Anyway, at Touchstone I have found the groups to be supportive, because of the friends I've made.  They also have a "cafe" that is open three times a week, where they have activities.  It is a safe, sober place to meet other people in similar circumstances….all in some sort of recovery.   Maybe your community has a place like Touchstone!?  You should be able to call 211 to help you find resources in your community.  Try to think positively, I know that's hard, but do things you like to do…try to get out and get some sunshine.  You can add me as a friend on here…I still don't know how to do that.  I'm new here too. Oh yeah, almost forgot…see if there are any non-theist AA meetings in your area….I found one here, it's only one, but they don't deal with the "GOD" aspect of AA….so it's working for me!!   Hope to hear from you!

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  4. piperjordan 4 years ago

    Hi TC, you’ve suffered alot of loss. You cope by numbing your pain with Alcohol and why not it works for awhile but it’s not the answer and I see you can see that. What if you just let the pain in? Feel it, it’s supposed to hurt when you loose loved ones, that’s normal. Be kind to yourself as you would a child in your situation. Please try AA again you have nothing to loose, you don’t have to be religious, only be open to a higher power and if your not go anyway have TRUST in the stronger members and let them guide you.

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