Okay, second blog, second topic.

Years ago, my Mom started putting money away for us because my Dad is greedy and shady and always said, "Oh, the kids are well taken care of, they have money." but he’s never once said how much or where it is. I’ve never been under the impression that I have money because it’s never been talked about, I don’t honestly think there is any or if there is, that we’ll ever see it. Well, my brother might because he’s the baby but I probably never will.

Today, I have $400 of that money left. My brother has $1,300, the whole chunk. Why? Because I spent $150 on a bus ticket to see my boyfriend and a bit on clothes that I needed. My Dad got mad once and took the other $500 and used it for my car insurance. But see, my brother is a sweet, good little baby who has an attitude and is too lazy to even brush his teeth in the morning so he doesn’t have to pay for his car insurance because he’s too busy flunking all of his classes and playing video games.

This pisses me off.

I go to college and am mainly going now because I’m forced. I work harder than my brother and have babysat him since day one. How the hell do I have less money, more responsibility and more stress? I’m so fed up that I’ve been seething with anger for hours. I halfassed my workout at Curves but still came out sweating just because I was so pissed off.

This is how my life has always been. I’ve always been pressed, yelled at, smacked around, controlled, manipulated, and used. And what have I gotten out of it? Pretty much nothing, everything is used against me. My brother though is a useless blob. He’s denser than hell, lazy, and a selfish little smartass at times but he’s always had it better. He gets nice things and Dad leaves him alone most of the time. My Mom and I are conviced that he just doesn’t like girls and I think she’s right. He’s only ever treated my Mom and I like this, pushed us around and expected us to shut up and work our asses off and then sit at home like rocks. Everyone else gets to do what they want and have fun and I’m so sick of it that I’m too mad to even eat. I haven’t eaten in six hours and if I have to go on a damn hunger strike to get him off my back I’ll do it because tomorrow, my brother will be off spending money on games and I’ll be sitting here hoping I can even afford to move out when the time comes because Dad just takes whatever money he wants from me whenever he feels like it.

My whole thing is this: it’s not fair. Either don’t touch ANY of the money or take from both of us equally. Either push us both or leave us both alone. If my brother paid for his next car insurance payment from that money, I’d be fine. But he won’t and so he’s still got hundreds more to play with while I don’t because I need to start saving up because unfortunately, no one is going to take care of me like they do him. Clearly I’m going about this the wrong way. I try to be smart and hardworking and independent but the laziest people I know still seem to have more and better lives. Go figure.