As you are all aware, I dont usually blog much…….BUT things are spiralling out of control and im sad cos i Feel like My DT friends probably think im a bitch and neglecting them so here goes and hope this gives all my dear friends an understanding of why im a bit quiet.
Okay lets start with last week,my partner of 18yrs and i found out HIS father has aggressive pancreatic cancer and will not be coming out of hospital,he doesnt have long left and it is breaking ny heart to hear him say I WANT TO GO HOME.he is 80 yrs old.
My best friend of 38 yrs, her father is in the last stages of life, he has emphysemia. He is suffering terribly and just wants to die,which we know will be soon.
Then theres my happy go lucky muched loved dad who would do anything for anyone and never hurt a fly…He has something wrong with his blood levels and kidneys and has to go have tests at the hospital on th 18th. We dont know if it is cancer at the moment, but my dad has given up on life already and is such a mess with worry! He has given up driving,given up going out ANYWHERE except to the docs. This from my dad who with my mum used to be out nearly every day and night of his life! hes even given up his playing of his beloved banjo,which hes played since a kid. He was playin for dances 3 or 4 times a week,he never wanted any money,just enough to pay for strings. Then he would go with a mate who is a pianist around to different nursing homes during week days volunteraly,just so he could put a smile on those less fortunate. He is mt Hero. I always thought of him as such a very strong person and to see him trembling,not sleeping ,having nightmares, and stressing so much,well I just dont know how to cope. He also has very bad OCD,where the house is actually packed to the rafters with "STUFF",theres no room except in the kitchen and toilet and the kitchen is rapidly diminishing!
So all in all my dear friends with all that going on and my major depression and pain problems im just so vry very sad and getting sadder everyday. So I apologize to all for not being around so much,please know that I love you all very much,and especially to my newest friends,Im sorry im not usually so DOWN.
I hope you all understand maybe a bit of me now.
Love Robyn xx
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Robyn it”s okay to be sad. I had a lot of trouble dealing with death last year. There”s no easy way around it. You just have to battle it through. Crying relieves the pain but it doesn”t change the facts. For me, accepting that my best friend & her boyfriend lost their lives at the age of 21, and that the father of my nephew died because he was run over by a bulldozer driven by his adopted father were very difficult for me. I used to be very religious, and after my best friend”s death, I started questioning my beliefs and I”m still questioning them. There are many quotes related to death and dying that helped me cope with my feelings. Life each day to the fullest, and remind those around you how much you care about them. Don”t let them forget that they are loved and only do what you can in a day. Death is the only thing in life that can”t be fixed. Instead of dwelling on the negative feelings related to your fears of death and dying, focus on what you CAN do for those people while they are still here 🙂
I”m always here for you <3
* Jessica *