Tonight I had my younger brothers over for the night. A house full of bored teenage boys I decided to go to the video store and rent the latest action movie we had all been dieing to see to entertain us this evening. Now a few years ago I attacked and assaulted buy 5 men of a particular type. Ever since then I have had a great discomfort around men of that type. I know it is not right but I just can’t help it. As I was getting out of my car (alone) there was a man of that particular type standing by his three cars over between mine and the store and he spotted me with far too much interest to make me comfortable. I went inside the video store keeping to myself and quickly found the movie I sought and rented it eager to get home. Leaving the store I headed back to my car having to walk past this man who was still paying far too much interest to me. Suddenly he starts snapping at me like he knows me demanding that I am someone he knows that works at some company and clearly whoever he thinks I am he is furious with. I told him he had me mistaken for someone else and went for my car but angry he would not believe me. He just kept yelling at me so angry and coming forward and all the memories of my rape flooded over me. All I could think was dear god he’s going to try to touch me. I reached into my purse and grabbed the pepper spray my fiancé had bought me last year thankful that I had it. Holding it on him I threatened to use it if he did not leave me alone. Then I jumped in my car as he backed off and quickly drove home speeding the whole way with the pepper stray still in my hand. I walked through the door with the movie in one hand and the pepper spray in the other. I must have looked the fright because my fiancé took one look at me and asked what happened and that’s when it all hit me I completely fell apart, shaking and crying and he had to hold me or I was sure I would have collapsed. I cried and cried and cried, then I tried to busy myself with house work and cried some more. It’s been hours and I’m still shaking.
