Today we took Mason (my dog, if you don't know) to the Vet because he needed to get on some medication for some skin allergies hes been having. It all kind of popped up when all the flowers started to bloom so hopefully with the antibiotics and the death of the flowers and pollen it will subside. We got blood work done to test his thyroid again…Even though last time it came back normal. I finally let go of the chokehold i've had on the medication issue and just let it happen. I feel that with him turning a year old and his fear based aggression not improving eventhough hes been in classes for socialization and been working 1 on 1 with trainers since 4 months old that I need to go down this path. A dreaded path and one that brings up alot of my own issues, my own feelings about the matter. I feel defeated with him…i feel that we are now going to rely on a 'solution' that may just masque a problem. Or worse yet will do nothing. I am constantly reminded of my own experiances…My own failures with medications. I told and swore I wouldn't allow him to be put on something that is basically the same as human prozac because it was worthless for me. I know that hes not a human and hes a dog and there could be a hugely differen't reaction towards the medication treatment BUT it all comes down to he has a fear….a phobia…an anxiety…and so do I. Now part of me feels…I can help him, I share with him the same sorts of issues and I wouldn't have wanted my parents, my guardians to give up on me because I had anxiety or depression. So I feel indebted to him…I feel that I cannot give up on him. I am so tired….SO very very tired…non stop training, non stop effort. On a walk a week or so ago a woman, a woman with 2 dogs who sees Mason and his reactions alot was passing us for the millionth time and she says to me and Bryan "I don't think you are doing the right thing for your dog" … I was taken aback, I didn't know what to say so like always, i said nothing at all. Since saying that I've not been able to shake what shes said…it resounds in my head over and over…I'm upset by what shes said because she doesn't KNOW all of what we've been doing for him and … what if shes right. What if all the training we're doing is wrong…what if I'm not the right person / owner for him. What if i'm only making him worse because I too struggle with the same issues as him? I suppose these are all just questions to the universe. I expect no answers because I feel there is no true 'answer'. It's a judgement call by me and Bryan. But how do you say to a life, a soul that depends fully upon you…a being that trusts absolutely NO ONE but you…that You can't do it anymore…That you have no other options but to give up? How long can i keep it up? How long can I keep saying that love is enough …?
I'm so lost…So tired and I have no way to know which path is the RIGHT path. What is the solution that is going to make him okay..