It’s a living hell. I wish I was dreaming. I can’t even leave my house without getting stalked or laughed at. I can’t ride my bike around the neighborhood and not have people saying, “Ew, what kind of bike is that?’. I can’t walk in front of someone without thinking they are talking about me to their friends. I can’t go on my ask because it’s filled with so many messages. “Go kill yourself, you’re worthless anyway”. “Go to hell, where you belong”. “How do some guys even think you’re pretty, you’re nothing but ugly and I can’t stand to even look at your face. You look like such a man. Get some surgery. Do us all a favor”. But that’s only some of them. My friends don’t have a clue about anything that I’m going through. All they see is the Sam that goes around making people laugh and being happy. Little do they know, each and every day; I secretly want to die. But killing myself? That’s just too damn selfish. When I can get help, when people have such more misery than I do, when people are fighting for their lives and I’d just be wasting mine. What kind of a person would I be? I don’t want to kill myself, I won’t kill myself but I’ll be waiting for the day God takes me away, away with all the pain. I guess God just doesn’t see me every night. Crying, pulling my hair out, scratching myself, crying so hard I can barely see or barely breathe. From days I go without food, then eat so much I feel that I’d pop. Depression isn’t a way to get attention. When someone has it, it’s pure hell. It cuts off all of your relationships with everyone. It makes you think you’re insane. It makes you sick. It makes you feel worthless. All you do is sleep for days then stay up for weeks. It doesn’t let you have the strength to carry on. You can’t bother to do homework, study, play your favoritesport, pay attention in class,etc. It’s just a huge dark hole with no escape out. It’s been four years for me already. Let’s see how many more I have to go.

  1. DigiPhoto 11 years ago

     Unfortunatley depression is generally for life. 

    I wish I could give more advice on how to make your life better, other then the standard stuff I'm sure you've heard many a time such as therapy, find people to confide within, try to boost your confidence, use CBT techniques to try and "alter" your mindset. 

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  2. MHall82 11 years ago

    there is no cure for depression just learning to cope with it. But who is making those comments about you? there is nothing you could have ever done to deserve that, and that is not part of depression that is just some immature people being retarded. And I do mean nothing, don't think oh I just don't know, I'm not saying you did something or anything I don't know but just in case I'm telling you nothing you could have done or anything about you no matter how bad yo feel it is, it doesn't deserve that

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  3. ambeck40 11 years ago

     Life with depression is hard enough without horrid people trying to make life worse.  Hang in, stay strong, life will get easier.  You are young and the older you get, the easier it is to surround yourself with good, kind people.

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