So my best friend since high school basically attacked me via Facebook. Woke up to her message and it hurt to read it and also made me pissed off.
Zoey. I don't even know where to start, but I guess I'll start with this… I don't know how you can be so FRIGGIN irresponsible by getting yourself pregnant! I don't know what happened or how it happened, but I really hope it was a faulty condom, because I know you wouldn't be that unintelligent to have unprotected sex! You couldn't have just been single, would that have hurt? I'm not sure what attracts you to them, especially with some of their track records. You say that a person's past doesn't matter, it's who they are now and sure on some levels that's true. But there is a line Zoey, to when you can just ignore a person's past. Just remember nobody is a perfect parent their first time round. A child is a lot of responsibility to take on, and I know you've told me you're ready to raise and take care of this baby, but honestly Zoey I don't know. You have to have a medical plan for the baby and need to start a college fund and a whole bunch of different things. And most importantly, you need to put the child before yourself. Before your wants and your needs. You need to think of what's best for the child, even if that means doing things that you may not want to because if it would make a better life for your child then you need to do it. I don't think you should give up the baby for adoption, I agree you should raise him/her. But I think it would be best if you did that with family. You could still be in a relationship with Dee, but I think the place you should be is with your family. I don't think you're ready to be separated from them with a child, it's a lot darker when you don't have your family around. You need to have a compromise with your parents, especially when it comes to your relationship with Dee, you should control your own future. But if it were my choice as an independent adult making my own decisions in life (And I'm sorry to say this Dee, I haven't met you yet) I would choose my family, even if it meant having a long distance relationship, but that's where it gets super complicated because he is the baby's father after all. Okay well I'm done with that shpeel. These other things I'm saying is more on a personal note. Do you remember when we had the idea to room together in Chicago after college, or maybe we did have a plan to, I'm not sure. But I realized that that idea just crashed and burned into a million pieces. It's no longer even a conceptual possibility, I mean it could be but I'm not sure if that's possible with the baby. It's highly unlikely. And when I realized this, it may seem super weird, but it punctured a small hole in my heart. I don't know why I was so excited about that particular idea, but maybe it seemed like something in my life would actually go right. A plan would have been executed, and it would have been an awesome one at that. Eh maybe I'm just being sentimental or some weird thing who knows. Honestly, when I heard you were pregnant I was shocked, I didn't expect it but I think I accepted it pretty well. And then I started thinking of all the stuff we planned on, and I realized, oh crap, we can't do that anymore and it made me really sad. After everything I went through with you, and don't get me wrong even though it caused me extreme emotional turmoil I am still thankful to call you one of my best friends, it's what true friends do, they stick by each other, they don't bail when the road gets tough and bumpy, they stroll along with you. 'Let's out a big sigh' I'm sorry to say all of this to you chica, but it's how I feel, and I don't like to keep things bottled up because they tend to leak toxic gasses later. I think our friendship is strong enough to say things like this to each other, hopefully you feel the same."
It pisses me off that she had the balls to say this. I get it. But it hurts and it makes me angry. She doesn't understand everything going on right now to the core. She doesn't know what it's like to deal with my parents right now. The fact that they want to steal me home in order to get me to get rid of the baby and be away from D. I don't need an attack from friendsright now. I am getting attacked enough from my parents. Hell, the school I go to and strangers are being WAY MORE supportive and helpful than my actual family. That hurts. No decision is easy. I know the one I am making is going to be hard, but it's the one I want to live with. AND I'm pissed off at the attack that I am irresponsible and that I am not going to be fit to raise a child. Everyone (my parents and my "best friend") keeps attacking the fact that I have "no idea" what it's going to take to raise a child. DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS GOING TO BE LIKE? SURE I DONT FULLY KNOW BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD ONE BUT I AM GOING TO DO MY DAMN BEST TO RAISE THIS BABY AND I AM WILLING TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL IT TAKES. Geeze.
Really. Really. I'm starting to learn that you don't really know who your true friends are until shit hits the fan.