Wow, it's been a LONG time since I've been on here. I want to make this short even though there are a million things that have happened since my last blog.
I am able to drive again, go out in public, DO THINGS. I'm not sure what happened. But I moved from that small apartment into a beautiful house with my mom, husband and son. And something switched in me and things got better. I got to go play with Nathan in the backyard, go for walks, things were different.
I did hit rock bottom though when it came to my xanax. I was in tolerance withdrawal and I couldn't up my dose anymore. Recap, been on xanax, up to 10mg a day for 10 years. I knew that I would be up at night having convulsions, hullucinations, pain, etc unless I got off it. Which scared the hell out of me…it was my crutch. It is now my POISION.
I am currently crossing over to Valium (almost done with the cross!!! I'm only on 1mg of Xanax!!!!) and then doing liquid titrtaion from the Valium. It's going to take over a year to get off it and then years to heal but it is going to be so worth it.
Don't get me wrong, I still get anxious, depressed, all that. I'm just better. Although I am scared of how I will be when I'm off the meds. Will I go back to how I was? I don't know.
Benzodiazepines are NOTHING to mess with. Honestly, if you are on these PLEASE reach out to me if you have any questions. They have ruined much of my life and it took hitting rock bottom to realize this.
Everyday is a struggle. I deal with the side effects of getting off this hell of a drug. Some days its okay, some bad, some VERY BAD. I haven't had a gosh darn good awesome day so far lol, but that's normal.
Before I end this, my son, Nathan, turned 2 on Jan 24th!!! We had to wait to book his venue until the 23rd of this month. But I'm SO excited!!! His theme is Paw Patrol, loves that show.
I'm glad I blogged about things I was dealing with. Looking back and seeing how far I've come really makes me feel thankful to where I am right now.
Much love to you all,