ok so i have no idea what attemp this is to try to get on top of OCD, at the moment i feel like an acholoic who keeps relapsing OCD take control and while i view it as a good think over 90% of the time. i know it bad for me i have no freedom im trapped inside my mind i may appare on the outside to be this young women, who can do anything and always helps people thats protective and caring. some people view me as a bitch because i wont let anyone hurt things i care about. but if you look closely and if there was cameras in my walls then they would see the real me the person thats controled the person why they are living there dream something they have been working for all there life the thing that makes them over the moon happy that you feel that if everyone was this happy doing what there doing the world would be the most amazing life. but OCD it like to take away all the happyness in the world, it always tells you, you havent done enough you arent good enough someone smarter harder working should be doing this NO you, your not good enough for this. you may as well give up now. ive been living with this for almost 19 years im almost 23 years old. this should be the happyest point in my whole life im lituraly living me dream right now. i love weather and climate change what is in the air and above my head is amazing its so beutiful, and at the age of 23 still in my undergrad degree i most likely will have a paper published on this, never in my widest dream did i ever imagion this would happen.

now meds i resently started taking a new med and so far no side effects, when i stop taking it i feel like i have adhd i cant sit still i have a song on conctant repet and i notes a big differce though when im on its like my brain is trying to run though sand its slow and its tires quikly when off its like that movie limatless. though last night i slept walked and moved my meds i have no idea where they are. thankfully i see my GP on monday so i can get a new script. but part of me the OCD part doesnt want too, i dont like meds but i dont like my life this way.

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