I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts for over 3 years now and it has gotten to the point that I feel like I have developed split personalites based on the thoughts I usually am tortured with daily nearly every second all I get is very disturbing thoughts I wish I could stop it. I had helped from my ex-GF but now that we have broken up last year it has only gotten worse I feel like I have no one anymore I am all alone dealing with this suffering day by day… I went to a college and made some good friends and fell in love with someone, however was heart broken this semester by the same person. She was the light in this dark tunnel I am in she was the reason I enjoyed going to college just being able to talk to her, but now we don't talk anymore and I doubt we ever will again it feels so empty going to that college now. I felt like I lost something and this semester classes have only gotten hard I just have a feeling I might fail. My GPA was a 3 last year because of me going to college about 4 weeks late which didn't help me catch up in time until the last 4 weeks or so which hurt my grades a bit. I don't know what to do anymore just about everyone has abondoned me the only real friends I have now are almost 3 and I only see them in school other than that I am always alone struggling with other mental illness as well like schizophrenia I don't know why I keep trying I feel like I will never acomplish anything in life anymore I feel like a failure I have nothing to look forwards to. I don't know why I should keep on living what reason should i just try and live on. I know full well no one would really care or miss me anyway I feel stuck in total despair and darkness without any hope. I was going to get help in theraphy but my insurance was cancelled and have to wait months or more I don't have the type of money to pay that amount for theraphy which is $100 each session. I am lost and alone without any help to pull through im not sure if really am strong as i thought it was now that i see myself i only see a weak person that might not be able to live through this. All i can think of now is just how pathetic of a guy i am maybe giving up might really be more easy on me.