I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts for over 3 years now and it has gotten to the point that I feel like I have developed split personalites based on the thoughts I usually am tortured with daily nearly every second all I get is very disturbing thoughts I wish I could stop it. I had helped from my ex-GF but now that we have broken up last year it has only gotten worse I feel like I have no one anymore I am all alone dealing with this suffering day by day… I went to a college and made some good friends and fell in love with someone, however was heart broken this semester by the same person. She was the light in this dark tunnel I am in she was the reason I enjoyed going to college just being able to talk to her, but now we don't talk anymore and I doubt we ever will again it feels so empty going to that college now. I felt like I lost something and this semester classes have only gotten hard I just have a feeling I might fail. My GPA was a 3 last year because of me going to college about 4 weeks late which didn't help me catch up in time until the last 4 weeks or so which hurt my grades a bit. I don't know what to do anymore just about everyone has abondoned me the only real friends I have now are almost 3 and I only see them in school other than that I am always alone struggling with other mental illness as well like schizophrenia I don't know why I keep trying I feel like I will never acomplish anything in life anymore I feel like a failure I have nothing to look forwards to. I don't know why I should keep on living what reason should i just try and live on. I know full well no one would really care or miss me anyway I feel stuck in total despair and darkness without any hope. I was going to get help in theraphy but my insurance was cancelled and have to wait months or more I don't have the type of money to pay that amount for theraphy which is $100 each session. I am lost and alone without any help to pull through im not sure if really am strong as i thought it was now that i see myself i only see a weak person that might not be able to live through this. All i can think of now is just how pathetic of a guy i am maybe giving up might really be more easy on me.

2 Comments
  1. HereIFindMyself 11 years ago

    No, you cannot give up! You are not alone! You have strength inside you – you just have to dig a little to find it sometimes.  You're young – things will change! You can make them change.  Think about what you'd like to do, even if it's just one little thing that makes you happy.  Then set your mind to accomplishing that one thing. After that, think of two more things, and go after them. You have to learn how to be happy on your own – a body can't expect to depend on others. You can come out of  this!

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  2. Kuroi 11 years ago

    I havent been diagnosed with schizophrenia but I do see things that aren't their and sometimes hear voices that aren't there. That is the reason I believe I have it. And my college doesn't offer that kind of help.. But thank you @hereifind myself thank you as well I will try and keep going but it is hard to do so without a special someone.

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