So, as the title suggests, I went back to work today. It was difficult, I know I was being judged by some people, but others were very kind. I guess that's people for you, some are ignorant and some are compassionate. Anyway my boss has decided that for the next two weeks I should work in a quieter office a few miles away, starting Monday. She says this will comply with the doctors recommendation for me to be away from stress. I've agreed, it makes sense and it'll be a nice change. I could tell she was itching to fire me, she'd love to get rid of me over all of this. I'd love to go, if only I could.

Anyway the day was ok, had a few people tell me I look very thin, lots of people asking if I'm ok. I never really know what to say to people when they ask, it's like they are all on a planet a million miles away from me or we speak different languages. I did enjoy being at work though despite the feeling of being judged, it was nice to have something to do.

Tonight I haven't done much, I've found that I'm really exhausted for some reason. The initial happiness I felt earlier today at the self-control of giving up drinking is subsiding a bit and the reality of the rest of my life is weighing heavily on me. I realised walking home from work that so many of the 'special' moments in my life happened when I was drunk. That frightened me so much when I realised, it made me think I don't have any memory worth cherishing. I'm toying with the idea of making a photo/memory scrapbook of times in my life when I enjoyed myself or was happy where I wasn't wasted, that might help I guess.

As you can tell I'm babbling a bit. I can't wait to start counselling and I certainly can't wait to move out of this lonely flat and into the houseshare!


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