What is wrong with me? Why do I care about pretty much nothing anymore? I saw the counselor. We talked about how I sleep so much and can hardly find motivation to do anything. Pretty much everything is like a chore. I'm supposed to try to get up at a regular time, but I don't want to. I realize it's true. One reason I sleep so much is to escape reality. When I'm asleep, I don't have to worry about anything or feel these feelings of emptiness. I don't have a reason to get out of bed. When I'm dreaming, I can have anything, and anything can happen. Real life seems completely pointless and undesireable. Now I wonder if I should go back to the counselor. The doctor and psychiatrist both wanted me to see one, and I know I'm pretty messed up. But I really don't care. The counselor can't really help me. She can encourage me and give me ideas, but only I can really change things, and I don't want to. I think it would stink not to oversleep and have to be in real life most of the time. Being asleep is like being in another world. It seems completely real at the time. "Real" is only our perception anyway. I feel like as long as my sleeping world is better than the real one, I'm not going to stop. And I can't just give myself something to get up for. As much as I love sleep, it would have to be something incredibly good. And since I've lost my ambition and motivation for pretty much everything, there just isn't anything like that. So should I go back? I don't really see it working for me. I love sleep too much. My dreams are so nice that it's disappointing to wake up and go back to this empty nothingness that's my life.

Now I suppose I feel depressed about all this. I wish I could sleep forever. I'd rather be in that world than this one. I feel sad that I ever have to wake up. I wish I could somehow trick myself into believing things that aren't true. Then it could be like I was dreaming all the time.

It's strange that I can seem to not care about something but also be bothered by it. I guess deep inside I miss having friends. But I also don't care to reach out to anyone. It's a horrible circle.

And the thing I wish I could do? Gardening. I really enjoy that. Why does it have to be January?

2 Comments
  1. Callieann1996 8 years ago

     Your right. Only YOU can change yourself and habits. A counslor doesnt do much but encourage you to change and give you tips and help on changing. If you really want to change, then I would recomond you go back. But to me ( and im no professional) it seems like your stuck and dont know what you want to do about your problems. It also seems like your extremly depressed. I think you should go see your physciatrist again and maybe get on some meds that can help you with your problems to give you more energy and maybe put you in a better mood. I know what its like to go through this. Counslors never helped me much either. Good Luck 🙂

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  2. Bigwolf 8 years ago

    I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same boat. I enjoy my sleeping more then I do my real life, My dreams …its like a whole new world in there where I can do anything and everything always comes out with a happy ending.

    But eventually I noticed that I want my real life to have some meaning I stil enjoy my dreams and the time I can get away in them but I want my real life to have some meaning as well.

    Its like I acomplished so much in my dreams why cant I do the same in my real life and now Im trying to do that but its hard motivation is tough thing for me to apply in the real world where things dont happen instantly and is so much harder to make things happen.

    I hope you realize that your real life has some mean and can be a whole lot more we just gotta try harder to make it worth while.

    If you ever wana talk just send me a message 🙂

     

    Take care

     

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