have been poorly all week with a virus felt real bad but saturday night came and i had to do my landlady bit! I was probably tense all night i didnt drink just lucozade will never do that again! Went upstairs around half 11 and was freezing and i had heartburn, to a non anxiety sufferer that would not matter but to me it became somethingelse. I shook and shivered under a thick quilt with a hot water bottle for about an hour up and down to the toilet belching and shaking! sound funny now but at the time it wasnt. I got up in the end and laid on settee with 4 throws and a hot water bottle! Still awake 3 hours later and considering wether this time it was a heart attack and having hot flushes! I have had every anxiety and panic symptom going over the last 15 years but never had chest pain until last night. I finally went back to bed at 5am and slept until half 9.

Today i feel crap tired depressed anxious and am certain that today will be the day i collapse and die i tell myself its a thought and i could not possibly know! unable to work on the bar today look and feel a mess. I am sure i probably have gerd and it is these symptoms that are scareing me. I dont feel like this every day i used to for a lot of years i am no longer on meds havent been for nearly 3 years i more or less live a normal life and then bang here we go again!

Tomorrow is the 8 th aniversary of the death of my partner from a heart attack and I found him in bed! Maybe in a subconscious way this is what is bothering me at the moment!


On the plus side my daughter and grandson coming to stay tomorrow for 5 days, but that could be stressing me!


Do all anxious people constantly question theirselves and others for a reassurance that is just not available? On one level we know that our thoughts are just plain ridiculous on another they are gospel. I am hoping that writing on here will help me.


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