Worry. Did i mention it in the topic? Good. I worry about too much. Everything, anything. I worry about money, i worry about health, i worry about friends, enemies, relatives, people i've never met.

I wonder if too much worry does prematurely age us, because i feel so old sometimes, my head full of pressure and fuzz.

My main worries are my health. My weight, amusingly isn't a worry, it's just a "oh i'm fat, damnit, another thing to feel down about", but it's things like my hair, my teeth, my vision. I used to have great teeth, but it seems i clench them in the night, and that , and the fact i used to eat shite-loads of sugary stuff when i was younger, is taking it's toll. Every knock, every twinge, i'm panicking that i'm about to have my teeth drop out, because if i lose my teeth… then i'd look… ok i dunno. I would say "stupid/silly/be unlovable", but i bet people have teeth missing in this world and it's unfair to blanket loss of teeth with unlovability. In reality, I (ME) would feel more unlovable, with even less things redeemable about me. My hair, i'm scared of going bald. Yeah it's a natural thing, but i'm 28, not 38. I don't think i am going bald, but i have awful visions of me being bald and toothless at 30, blind as a bat, and no-one would want me then.

So yeah. There's that. Then there's the fact that i'm screwed in the head. If i find someone who'd love me for who i am, i'd either screw it all up and throw it away thanks to the SA, or something will go wrong. Enough testing and straining on a relationship, and something will give. Is it even fair that i make someone else go through this stuff? Then there's the future… what do i do? I don't feel like i belong anywhere, most the time, i don't even think i should have been born. I can't fit into workplaces, or social situations, so what happens after the degree? I get a job? I lasted 3 months before i had to leave the last one… luckily it was a placement and not a 'real' job. If i leave a real job, i'll end up black-marked in regards to references.

Worry worry worry.

How do you deal with worry? Me, i just feel like crying, curl up in bed and go to sleep, maybe it will feel better in the morning. 

1 Comment
  1. Freesome 14 years ago

    "don't sweat the little stuff"…..seriously wise words.  From one worry wort to another, I can only beg that you drop this wasteful activity.  I look back now and realize that I was filling a void with worry.  It gave me something to do….how lame is that?  Each time I start to worry now I ask myself "whats the worst result if indeed what I'm worrying about comes true".  In almost all cases "nothing much" was my answer.  Take a good long hard look at why you're worrying…there is a root cause.  Find that and most of your worries will disappear.  Besides, being toothless, bald & fat at 30 won't be the end of the world…..you'd still be here and still be you.  Matter o' fact, looking that bad would let you know who truly does love you.  Most people are so shallow…you want to find the ones that are worthy of your time.  Barring that there are always bad toupees, false teeth and girdles…LOL!   Hang in and find out what's at the bottom of your worry.

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