Worry. Did i mention it in the topic? Good. I worry about too much. Everything, anything. I worry about money, i worry about health, i worry about friends, enemies, relatives, people i've never met.
I wonder if too much worry does prematurely age us, because i feel so old sometimes, my head full of pressure and fuzz.
My main worries are my health. My weight, amusingly isn't a worry, it's just a "oh i'm fat, damnit, another thing to feel down about", but it's things like my hair, my teeth, my vision. I used to have great teeth, but it seems i clench them in the night, and that , and the fact i used to eat shite-loads of sugary stuff when i was younger, is taking it's toll. Every knock, every twinge, i'm panicking that i'm about to have my teeth drop out, because if i lose my teeth… then i'd look… ok i dunno. I would say "stupid/silly/be unlovable", but i bet people have teeth missing in this world and it's unfair to blanket loss of teeth with unlovability. In reality, I (ME) would feel more unlovable, with even less things redeemable about me. My hair, i'm scared of going bald. Yeah it's a natural thing, but i'm 28, not 38. I don't think i am going bald, but i have awful visions of me being bald and toothless at 30, blind as a bat, and no-one would want me then.
So yeah. There's that. Then there's the fact that i'm screwed in the head. If i find someone who'd love me for who i am, i'd either screw it all up and throw it away thanks to the SA, or something will go wrong. Enough testing and straining on a relationship, and something will give. Is it even fair that i make someone else go through this stuff? Then there's the future… what do i do? I don't feel like i belong anywhere, most the time, i don't even think i should have been born. I can't fit into workplaces, or social situations, so what happens after the degree? I get a job? I lasted 3 months before i had to leave the last one… luckily it was a placement and not a 'real' job. If i leave a real job, i'll end up black-marked in regards to references.
Worry worry worry.
How do you deal with worry? Me, i just feel like crying, curl up in bed and go to sleep, maybe it will feel better in the morning.